News & Politics
My 105 Days in an Iranian Prison
Doing pilates and writing for her granddaughters helped Haleh Esfandiari survive.
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Sitting in the immaculate office from which Haleh Esfandiari runs the Woodrow Wilson Center’s Middle East programs, it’s difficult to imagine this petite woman in a trim black skirt suit stumbling blindfolded through the halls of Iran’s most notorious prison. But in 2007, Esfandiari spent four months in Evin Prison, the sort of place people “disappear” from. She endured near-daily interrogations by officials who believed she was plotting a “velvet revolution” that would destroy the regime with an army of academics and activists.
It took an international outcry (which included the voices of representatives, senators, Nobel Prize winners, and then-presidential-candidates Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton) to compel the Iranian regime to release the 67-year-old grandmother and allow her to return to the United States. This month her new book, My Prison, My Home, was released. DoubleX sat down to talk with her about her experiences.
Your ordeal literally began with highway robbery. You were on the way to the airport and your car was forced to the side of the road, and your things—including passports—were taken by who you thought were armed thugs, not government agents. At what point did you start feeling vulnerable?
Immediately, I tell you. First of all, it was a sense of a shock. It’s in the middle of the night, you’re sitting on a highway. Four men, knives strapped around their waists, come, and they take everything you have. I knew that getting an American passport was not a problem. I was going to apply in Europe for it. The big problem was getting an Iranian passport. Having lost all my identification papers, I felt like a stateless person, like a paperless person, like the refugees that I would come across in Europe when I was a student in Vienna. But the day my husband said “You have an American passport,” [waiting in Vienna], it was a big day for me, because I knew that I had at least one piece of ID.
Can you tell me about your daily routine while you were at Evin, and why you asked to be awakened at 6 every morning?
I get up usually, in Washington, between 5:30 and 6 in the morning. So I had decided that I would need to follow the same hours in prison. I woke up at 6 a.m., and would exercise for an hour. I did a lot of Pilates and a lot of walking in my cell. I would then go and shower, change, and have a cup of tea and a piece of bread and cheese. Then, if I was not called in for interrogation, I would spend the rest of the day exercising.
On a small terrace there was a bucket where you could wash and rinse your clothes, so I would do that. Twice a day. Once in the morning, [I washed] the clothes I wore at night, and once at 6 in the evening. And then I would ration myself. I would read for two hours and then again pace up and down for an hour, then read for another hour. At first I didn’t have any books except a copy of the Quran that was there, but it was translated into Persian, so I was able to read the Quran cover to cover. Then before going to sleep I would do Pilates movements for another hour and then go to sleep between 11 p.m. and 12 p.m.
Why was exercise so important to you?
Because I didn’t want to think about my family, because that was the only thing that would lead me to despair. I didn’t want to think about my life in Washington, and my husband, my child, my grandchildren. And so when I did the Pilates exercise, I would count, so I couldn’t think of anything else. And when I was walking, I wrote two books in my mind. One book was a biography of my maternal grandmother. And the other one was a children’s story which I thought, one day, when I come [back] to Washington, I’ll tell it to my two grandchildren. I was dreaming of sitting in their library and telling them this story. So it kept me very busy.
Have you told them that story yet?
Not yet.
What is it about your personality or your background that made you so disciplined?
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