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In The Feminine Mystique, Betty Friedan argued that American women suffered from a malaise she called "the problem that had no name." Her critique of domestic ennui helped launch the second-wave feminist movement of the 1960s and 70s, leading to many of the advances women now take for granted. But there have been more waves, and more ennui, and now, once again, we're faced again with a problem (or problems) in search of a name. So we asked women to answer this question: If you had to pinpoint today's "problem that had no name," what would it be? What is the primary challenge women face today?
When Betty Friedan identified “the feminine mystique” as “the problem with no name,” she was talking about only one of the many inequities between men and women in 1963. Employers often had separate pay scales for men and women, could refuse to hire women for many jobs, and had the right to fire them if they married or became pregnant. In several states, women couldn’t serve on juries. Women could be denied access to birth control, and abortion was illegal.
Wives did not have equal property rights or decision-making powers in marriage, and nowhere was it illegal for a husband to rape his wife.
Friedan did not tackle these legal and economic inequalities; instead, she focused on critiquing the then-overwhelming cultural consensus that women could only find fulfillment through complete devotion to housewifery and motherhood.
“The feminine mystique” of the 1950s and 1960s did not just tell women to become “happy homemakers.” It also laid out a laundry list of things that a woman was not supposed to do or feel. Women were told that it was “abnormal” to want to excel, either athletically or academically. A “normal” woman, according to the mystique, found emotional and sexual fulfillment in dependence and passivity.
While it was acceptable for a wife to work outside the home if her family needed the income, she was supposed to make sure her job was neither interesting nor well-paying enough to threaten her husband’s sense that he was the center of her life. American women took this advice seriously. Through the 1950s and mid-1960s, surveys showed that girls believed it was “unfeminine” to play sports. Almost half of female college students reported they had to “play dumb” if they wanted to get their “MRS degree.” And according to a 1962 survey by pollster George Gallup, the vast majority of housewives believed it was a wife’s duty to make her husband feel “superior.”
Today the cultural consensus is very different. At this April’s conference of the Council on Contemporary Families, researcher Barbara Risman reported on a recent study, with Elizabeth Seale, of middle school boys and girls. Although the girls were deeply preoccupied with their appearance, the kind of feminine mystique that prevailed in the 1950s and 1960s was virtually dead.
Not a single girl who was interviewed thought she had to play dumb or act “feminine” around boys. Girls aspired to be strong and smart, and admired other girls who were. There was no sense that it would be inappropriate for a girl to do things that used to be called masculine.
On the other hand, Risman and Seale found that the masculine mystique was alive and well, and in some ways stronger than ever. If boys participated in activities or expressed feelings traditionally viewed as feminine, they were teased, bullied, or ostracized. Boys brutally policed each other to make sure that each lived up to the masculine mystique. And most girls agreed that while it was great for a girl to like “boy” things it was not okay for a boy to like “girl” things.
SNL: Equal Opportunity Objectifiers
Jon Hamm spent most of the Saturday Night Live episode he hosted last night shirtless.
Confessions of a Woman Comedy Writer
Allison Silverman accepts one from New York Women in Film & Television (and tells us why it's rare).
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By: Casey Loufek | Mon, 08/03/2009 - 19:42
Thank you. I strongly support equal rights but often worry that feminism is no longer about such, your article has convinced me that feminism can be relevant and progressive in the modern day.
This is a huge problem and certainly the next hurdle in gender equality. I do see things changing. I see, slowly, society placing an emphasis on fatherhood as a role of nuturing and rearing, not merely siring and fincial support.
To those who say this is an issue enforced more by women than men, I have to agree and disagree. I agree women enforce these behavoirs, I honestly can't say whether they do it more or less. However if women were able to overcome similair challenges and still find mates I think men are capable of the same. Obviously this does not rest entirely on the shoulders of men any more then women's liberation rests entirely on the shoulders of women. Do you think strength was as desirable a trait for marriage in women in the 50s as now? Probably not. Attitudes will change, slowly, as more men stand up and say they are tired of having to act like somewhere they are not to find a partner.
And to the idea that men owe women some great debt over childbirth. Yes, childbirth is hard. However, a male's inability to become pregnant does not translate to a duty to protect females. (As far as nursing goes men are somewhat capable of that as an emergency back-up) Obviously someone who is pregnant will expect the care and support from their partner, and rightfully so. But that isn't about gender, it's about caring for one's loved ones when they are under going an ordeal. Would you consider a woman under no obligation to care for her pregnant romantic partner? Are people not obligated to protect and care for their male partners during ordeals?
Finally, I really liked the comment on martial arts. I think it shows that the ideals of strong and sensitive are not mutually exclusive and can be attained regardless of gender. That's the trick of gender equality, being free to strive for one's best as an individual without either being limited by or denying one's gender.
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By: eknight | Sun, 05/24/2009 - 10:56
Table1 has it dead on. In my experience, we men don't police ourselves to maintain the 'masculine mystique' nearly as much as the women police us. Despite the stereotypes, a lot of men will actually talk with each other about what's going on emotionally, and sometimes let down the rigid stereotypical walls.
That said, we had a saying in college 20 years ago: "If you want to date a sensitive guy, stop sleeping with assholes." Well, eventually we guys wised up and stopped being sensitive ourselves. Nice guys sleep alone. That rule was far far more rigid than anything created between men.
And in the 20 years since, my experience and that of my peers has continued to bear that out. If I was the charming, rogueish assertive cad, I could sleep with just about any woman, be she 10 years younger or 20 years older. If I was the guy who listened and gave a shoulder to cry on, I slept alone. The same was true with just about any guy I knew.
Now, it is possible to be charming and assertive and strong without being an asshole. One can be caring and attentive without turning into a wimp. But the path to that place is not laid out for us guys. Our fathers didn't know how to teach us, and most of us have no clue how to teach our sons. But even if we could, the advice and reinforcement of other men wouldn't have nearly the influence as the women we try to date.
Nice guys sleep alone. When that changes, perhaps there will be more nice guys.
Selective perception...
By: Table1 | Sat, 05/23/2009 - 16:59
Hi,
What the author (Stephanie) does not appear to grasp, is that WOMEN, not men, are the greatest policers of male gender roles. It is women, after all, who really define masculinity -- by "choosing" the males they mate with, live with, have sex with. (I put the word "choosing" between quotation marks because, as someone once said, (sexual) attraction is not a choice. People can't really choose which members of the opposite sex they feel attracted to. So let us use the word "select" instaed of "choose".)
And how do women choose/select their men? By screening, testing and selecting RUTHLESSLY on masculine characteristics, which (to keep it brief) may be summarised by terms like (inner) strength, leadership, social domination, relative lack of 'emotional' behaviour (as well as, of course, earning power/potential, but that is really pretty much a given for a male displaying those masculine traits).
Women may SAY they attach great importance to emotionality, communication and the like, but don't think for one minute that they select their men based on such virtues. As seen above, the opposite is much closer to the truth. What women want in their men is masculine strength first and foremost. They HATE seeing weaknesses in (their) men. Yes, the insensitive brute (you know, the one that also loves to bully other, weaker men) will ALWAYS win in terms of attracting women.
And attracting women is actually pretty important for men. Hence it makes perfect sense that they go for developing masculine traits, it's only logical.
Are you a male but showing your emotions all the time and showing few signs of a backbone? Prepare for a life of being used and abused, not only by men, but by women in particular, in any conceivable way (emotionally, economically, socially). Or change yourself, of course.
On the bright side, of course, there are certainly POSITIVE ways to implement masculinity, empathy and the like can have a place, but it simply can't be at the expense of STRENGTH.
Greetings,
Table1.