DoubleX Gabfest: Sad Wife, Good Wife Edition

really nice post

By: yuridebura | Mon, 09/28/2009 - 12:53

really nice post

Happy Born Again Christian Women

By: junemheller | Sat, 09/26/2009 - 10:43

Is it possible that born again Christian Women are happier because we are a part of a tight community?

I'm a born again Christian very involved with my church in Miami Beach.

Most of my friends come through church--we see each other at church every weekend, participate in Bible Study groups together, and we get together on our own to bring our kids to the beach, the park, hang out in each other's backyard, etc. While this group of friends includes a lot of stay-at-home-moms (SAHM), we do have some friends who are working Moms, working single women and empty nesters.

We're pretty quick to include anyone who wants to join us, which can be pretty different than trying to break into the Mommy playgroups that develop out of school, neighborhood playgrounds and other social networks.

I think being a part of an inclusive community, with like-minded people has a lot to do with my happiness. We share triumphs, struggles, and help each other with child rearing (advice, babysitting, handing down clothes, etc). We pray together and worship together, and we discourage each other from judging ourselves against each other or competing with one another (well, that's not true, I have some triathlon buddies from church, and we LOVE competing against one another!).

I don't think the reason that I am happier and that my friends are happier is because we've lowered our standards as Hannah suggested. I have high expectations for myself, my husband and our son. We don't always meet those expectations, and I suffer disappointment and loss like any other woman out there.

I also take issue with Emily suggesting that my goals are clearer to me than hers are to her and her non-church going friends. It is very rare that someone tells me that I'm doing a good job with my son, and my SAHM goals are almost always far from accomplished (laundry, cleaning, home management).

I hope you'll reconsider your ideas about why born again Christian women identify as happier than women who are not tied to a church community.

I love the DoubleX podcast and look forward to listening to you every week!

rape

By: marcello | Fri, 09/25/2009 - 17:12

I live in NYC and have heard this from many women, and was repeated on doublex. Women can't believe that maybe she wanted and enjoyed having sex with the guys. Hearing women say it had to be rape, astonishes me.

I don't like the idea that

By: pampl | Fri, 09/25/2009 - 01:52

I don't like the idea that it's ok to call something "rape", even if it's just "gray rape", because you think it's gross. College kids experimenting with group sex (and possibly bondage) may sound to you like something that only happens in porn, but that doesn't mean you should conflate it with a horrific and violent crime. It reminds me of how people used to (and some still do) conflate homosexuality and pedophilia because, when they were growing up, homosexuality was only discussed when it involved buggery.

Those hapiness studies are a little disconcerting. Don't they imply that, from a utilitarian perspective, we should be trying to get young women to be evangelicals? That makes me glad I'm not a utilitarian :) My personal wild-ass guess at an explanation is that the daily grind is less fulfilling then being with your family, but I haven't seen actually seen the studies in question. Is DoubleX going to start posting relevant links a la Slate's Gabfest?