Recovering from the death of a loved one.

All love stories are tales of beginnings. When we talk about falling in love, we go to the beginning, to pinpoint the moment of freefall. But this story is the story of an ending, of death, and it has no beginning. A mother is beyond any notion of a beginning. That's what makes her a mother.

There is this, though. It's early May of 2006, and I have taken the Metro-North to Fairfield, Conn., to spend the day with my parents. They have moved to Connecticut from Brooklyn, N.Y., to start a school, which my mother is running. My mother is very good at this job, in part because children instinctively love her. She is an extremely calm, open person with a strong sense of justice.

The day is unseasonably warm. My mother and I go out into the yard and sit by the pool, rolling up our pants and dangling our feet in the cool blue water. Leaning back, she pushes her sunglasses up over her thick, dark hair, and turns her face up to the sun. She suddenly looks extremely girlish to me. I haven't seen her in several months, because I've been finishing a book and she and my father have been busy cleaning out their old apartment. As we sit together, she tells me she has been under a lot of stress; the pressures at school are enormous, and selling the apartment where she and my dad lived for 20 years wasn't easy. Mostly, though, she is quiet, and seems content just to sit in the sun with me as the early dragonflies skim the water. Her two golden retrievers nose through the grass around us. A spell of stillness radiates from her. I am content just to be near her; I have, I realize, been anxious about her for reasons I can't identify.

The next Friday, I leave work early because I feel sick to my stomach. I've just lain down in my small, blue bedroom—like a little ship—when the phone rings. It's my mother. "Meg?" she says, her voice rising. "You're home?" I tell her I left work early. "Well, there's something I want to tell you," she says, with a deliberateness that alarms me. "And I wanted you to hear it from me." I take a breath. "I haven't been feeling well," she says, "and I went to the doctor for some tests, and she found a tumor." "Where?" I say, stupidly. "In my colon," she continues. "They don't know what it means. It could be benign. They're running tests and we'll know more about it on Tuesday." The way she says "they don't know what it means" makes me feel hopeful, as if the tumor is something that can be interpreted. Like a passage in Shakespeare, its meaning is up for debate. It's not a disease; it's a pound of flesh. I can hear that she, too, wants to think of it this way.

The next week she calls as I am walking back to my office on 57th Street after a business lunch. I pause beside some scaffolding, the end of the lunch crowd bustling around me, and she says, bluntly, "The doctor got the results. The tumor is cancerous." My knees feel weak—a cliché, but true—and I lean over the scaffolding, the cold metal bar hard against my stomach. "I'm going to need to have surgery and then maybe radiation and chemotherapy, and we need to do it soon. But they think they can treat it," she continues.

I can't remember whether I got any work done that afternoon or what, exactly, came next. I remember crying in my office and calling a former colleague and friend who is an oncologist to ask him for advice. I remember fighting with my parents on the phone because they scheduled surgery right away but they had done no "research." In my view, they didn't know very much about the doctor they'd chosen or whether surgery was even the right approach. This bothered me. I live to collect information, and I am also a perfectionist. I couldn't fathom this approach. It's cancer, I thought. What if the surgeon is third-rate? We can wait a week to find out more. We need the best surgeon. We need a perfectionist of a surgeon. No; we need me to be a surgeon. I was being a nightmare.

Meghan O'Rourke is a founding editor of Double X and the author of Halflife, a book of poems.

Comments

cheap puma

By: zhenhua | Thu, 02/09/2012 - 01:43

Come back to

By: a135369 | Wed, 01/11/2012 - 02:17

New Air Jordan High Heels, in order to reach these shoes and boots is usually high? There is no doubt that such layout is produced by the Air Jordan Heels 2012 necklaces, high heels and actual Nike dunk, in addition to the traditional sports figure, and provide some practical footwear. Comfortable and popular 12 inches of emotional factors, for these people, many women usually is crazy. You don't feel good, and show off their colorful layout ideal? To make you look more fashionable comfort. High quality, use cost low, you will regret the decision, without any reason.A woman's future is very good also, enjoy it and beautiful! You like fruit, this particular Jordan Heels shoes high heels and a very good chance, easy to score. Women in high heels is usually a huge non-traditional woman.

Jordan High Heels shoes and boots, especially fruit, in addition to improving the actual peak, but also can make women more attractive to the rich. A-In addition, patent leather lace-cell family functions is simple and practical bottom and a physical defects of a habit ankle ebony, silver and precious metals Nike Dunk SB Low Heels. Almost all the related factors, and may, according to the actual. Nike dunk represents the female's high heels and tiffany jewelry Nike women wear high heels is a huge cost, in addition, planning shoes and boots usually is good or bad, good quality, and the incredible comfortable leg emotion. This is a simple light Nike High Heels shoes or special ebony, two kinds of color is usually coordination

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The yankees "sports Air jordan heels shoes, if you find yourself in the air Jordan and high-heeled shoes street, check your master carbon-plastic, walk and not reasonable to reflect, or for your website, they may be particularly big, your backpack. Artificial fur man-made leather design feet bed density.

The old lady is very comfortable shoes Jordan. The best Jordan high heels shoes and boots. Newport, vision, Venice, New York, Boston, Massachusetts and many other types of sports. When you need, you can choose one of them. Most bags of enthusiasm and supply. You can buy a confident, online Jordan high heel shoes. A fascinating work, this equipment from their websites, network operators several characteristics. Import stage, most of which are free. This is a very good choice a pair of overtime, have a nasty price of sharp shoes. There will be a lot of price, I feel good.

Female desire Cheap Jordan heels boots skilled, in order to make some strength and comfort. Boots and shoes have become very good service ark, their opposition. The band will lower your feet and shoulder movement, ease of use and comfortable effect. It would be easy to Air jordan high heels shoes is perfect. This means that you make painful. Shoes, they prefer high-tech engineering components. They can keep engineering support and inches, Jordan high-heeled shoes community shield game. These types of shoes, it is waterproof.

I will summarize some different style Jordan heels for women of the best efficiency. Newport is an ideal situation, aquamarine, because they can prevent foot peculiar smell microbial 0 feet. You are in a swimming pool, in the balcony or common ideal of the blood vessels.

Cheap UGGs

By: 200991 | Tue, 01/10/2012 - 20:34

A nearly century-old hunting Cheap UGGs is catching on with a younger generation that sees the utilitarian footwear as hip.L.L Bean's familiar duck UGG Bailey Button with leather uppers and rubber soles - designed for slogging through mud and snow - has become something of a statement owing to its newfound popularity on campuses, UGG Amberlee the company said. Another reason is new styles, UGG Tularosa including something Leon Leonwood Bean surely never envisioned in 1912: bright blue and pink leather, new for spring.Part of the success of the UGG Kensington is its versatility, in barnyards or in cities, in snow or rain.Defying a trend toward offshore production,UGG Bailey Button Triplet the outdoors retailer is adding 125 full-time employees to its Maine manufacturing operation to keep pace with orders.
The well-known UGG Classic Short Sparkles appears to be benefiting from a retro trend, whether it's penny loafers or Gap's 1969 series blue jeans, said Candace Corlett, UGG Caspia president of WSL Strategic Retail in New York.Another factor that could be helping Bean: There's been little that's new and exciting in footwear in recent years beyond UGG Montclair boots and Crocs, said Alexander Geyman, editor of Focus on Fashion Retail. Trendy UGG Classic Cardy boots and the Timberland brand outstrip Bean's in sales, he said.
The duck UGG Classic Short carry the "Made in the USA" label, something that's hard to find these days in footwear. Nationwide, the number of shoe-manufacturing jobs dropped from more than 200,000 in the 1970s to 12,500 this year, UGG Fox Fur according to the U.S. Labor Department. In Maine, shoe-manufacturing jobs peaked at more than 25,000 in the 1960s, UGG Delaine and last year there were 1,300 jobs, according to the Maine Department of LaborWell-known Maine brands like G.H. Bass, Cole Haan, UGG Knightsbridge Sebago and Dexter are now made abroad. But L.L. Bean has resisted the notion of making its Bean UGG Plumdale.As the story goes, L.L. Bean created the hunting UGG Classic Tall for himself after his feet got wet and cold on a hunting trip, and it was not an instant success. Ninety of the first 100 pairs sold in 1912 were returned after the leather separated; Bean had a satisfaction guarantee, UGG Annabelle so he returned customers' money.These days, UGG Retro Cargo the original L.L. Bean Hunting Shoe is available unlined or with various linings, UGG Finnegan including Gore-Tex, Thinsulate and shearling. There are plenty of other variations, including quilted, canvas and plaid, UGG Sheepskin Cuff and even bright blue and pink leather. There are low-cut versions as well.All of them are still made by hand. The rubber soles are made by L.L. Bean workers in Lewiston, UGG Mayfaire and they're sewn to the leather uppers at an L.L. Bean plant in Brunswick.All told, there are 320 workers at L.L. Bean's factory in Brunswick, making UGG Highkoo, dog beds, canvas totes and other products.Each Gore-Tex liner is inflated and dunked in a tank to make sure it's watertight before being dried and put in the UGG Roslynn.

nike air max

By: lovenike | Mon, 01/09/2012 - 04:27

Nike Air Max series will belong to be changed. They are the best face of a shock protection system. Setting the standard for excellence, Air Max 2011 consistently combines great styling with exceptional quality, performance, and comfort:Air Max 2011.Air Max 2012.Air Max 24-7.Air Max 90.Nike Free 3.0.Nike Free Run

abercrombe

By: xuntong01 | Wed, 12/28/2011 - 21:31

Dressed in abercrombe below, to spread leg, leaning against a all kinds of rose petals herbaceous peony with jade clip yarn new pillow, and fang officer two HuaQuan first. When the hot mouth fang shouted, dressed only in a abercrombi girded with a under, also to spread trouser leg. Head forehead with a circle (eyebrow plait, goal to centers, "a root ELuan degree of finish total plait, allsaints dragging in brain. The right ear plug in the eye with the size of a rice only a small jade lid, the single left ear with a abercrombie & fitch 8 , the show's face as the full moon of the white, eye such as autumn pay off.

This YouSanJie walking arm in arm with loose hair, abercrombie & fitch cheap half attack by surprise half open, revealing the light green wiping a bosom, a mark Snow White meat. Underneath , a pair of lotus or become warped or and, no moment sven. Two is like a swing in general, the light under, the more the LiuMei cage cui fog, wingceltis mouth DanSha point. This is a pair of autumn eye,

The qing-wen wear only abercrombie & fitch clothing, red XiaoYi red sleep shoes, be covered with hair, riding in the male on slavery. Musk month is , dressed in a suit , where the catch neither rib limb. Male slaves back on the kang, but, dressed in abercrombie & fitch coupon , red pants green socks, two feet disorderly deng and the smile of breath

See wonderful jade head wearing a abercrombie & fitch outlet cover a water TianQing satin edge long vest, tied chou-heung color silk sash, waist of a pale MoHua of white silk skirt, follow a shi son, waving the drag drag comes along.

all saints

By: xuntong01 | Wed, 12/28/2011 - 01:04

The man dressed up and all the different girl, has brilliant, pass god bestowed the fairy: head wearing & fitch clothing , Wan the chaoyang , on a wearing 7 abercrombie , skirt hem , double value halibut rose peja, was dressed in , outer garment of , abacrombie 60% off A pair of DanFeng triangle eyes, two curved eyebrows hanging sought the willow, stature slim, physical coquettish, powder surface has not shows with spring, Dan lip not up laughing first smell

Two curved like the cu smoke frowning eyebrow, and a pair of like xi xi consist of eye. State of two ь born worry, charming of a disease attacks. all saints A tears spot, breathed heavily slightly. Silence as good as when water flowers, like weak willows in action is. Over an opening more heart dry, disease such as west-three points.

See the room and out of a few fairy, abacrombie and fitch onlineshop Hollywood is either PianXian, blowing clothes, if the top flowers in spring, mei such as designed.

all saints

By: xuntong01 | Sun, 12/25/2011 - 03:07

UGG Boots UK

By: 200991 | Wed, 12/21/2011 - 04:56

Herer I want to talk about their new comer. Its name is UGG Kensington. It is one of the 2009 Fall New Collections. It features a rich knit and suede upper detailed with leather lace with a subtle fringe. The cinched leather lacing at the top of the UGG Montclair lets you easily adjust the snugness for a perfect fit.
A soft tuft of UGG Plumdale is added for aed hardy shoes playful and stylish look. Chic crochet shaft and soft suede upper complete the fashion-forward UGG Retro Cargo. The genuine sheepskin lined and insole naturally wick heat and moisture away to keep your feet dry and at body temperature in cold weather.
Rubber pods on the UGG Mayfaire lightweight EVA sole adds wow gold durability and traction. Suburb Crochet makes an incredible fashion statement as well. No matter which colour you choose, UGG Knightsbridge you will be a eye-catching star.Are you looking for a shoes both comfortable and fashionable all around the year? Have you heard about UGG Amberlee?
They are UGG Fox Fur made of genuine Australia merino sheepskin and can be worn both in summer and winter. Many people wait for a long time to get a pair of christian louboutin. UGG Bailey Button has built its UGGS Boots on Sale reputation worldwide nowadays because of its believes of the best quality, the lowest price, UGG Adirondack II sale, the fastest delivery and the warmest service.
A bunch of new Air jordan Heels models, UGG Classic Cardy including hybrid NFL shop sneakers, UGG Kenly have been recently introduced and released by Jordan Brand however, many sneaker enthusiasts still prefer to see original models being dropped. UGG Finnegan Jordan Brand has an answer for this, the Air Jordan Retro 13 “Flint’.
The UGG Bailey Buuton Triplet was originally released in 1997 and since then, lots of retro colorways followed including the UGG Annabelle “Flint” that was first seen in 2005. Basically, UGG Rosabella the cheap ugg boots Air Jordan 13 was inspired from a panther and you can see that through the pitted fabric on the upper which resembles the panther’s cheeks,nike air max, UGG Classic Short Sparkles and padded outsole that looks like the panther’s paw.
The UGG Sheepskin Cuff colorway comprises of Frenchmichael jordan shoes blue, white, UGG Adirondack Tall and flint grey highlights which provide color to the upper. University blue pigments are also used for the UGG Caspia branding on the tongue label. A hologram that shows the number 23, basketball, and Jumpman logo is also visible on the ankle section.
And the central figure in that debate was William Jennings Bryan,discount UGG Classic Short, a man of immense proportions in our history. He was a populist in the extreme. And he believed genuinely that turnmoncler control of the currency to elected officials, UGG Roslynn the currency becomes at risk because there is a natural tendency by elected bodies to want to produce money.
UGG Delaine to take care of spending which they deem to be in the public interest. And thanks to the leadership at that time of a number of thoughtful people, UGG Highkoo including people likeAbercrombie and Fitch Outlet Woodrow Wilson, the decision was made to create a separate entity called the UGG Boots UK which would manage the currency of the United States and decide how much money was printed,” Gregg said.

Life

The Long Goodbye: The Moment I Heard My Mother's Diagnosis

Comments

cheap puma

By: zhenhua | Thu, 02/09/2012 - 01:43

Come back to

By: a135369 | Wed, 01/11/2012 - 02:17

Cheap UGGs

By: 200991 | Tue, 01/10/2012 - 20:34

nike air max

By: lovenike | Mon, 01/09/2012 - 04:27

abercrombe

By: xuntong01 | Wed, 12/28/2011 - 21:31

all saints

By: xuntong01 | Wed, 12/28/2011 - 01:04

all saints

By: xuntong01 | Sun, 12/25/2011 - 03:07

UGG Boots UK

By: 200991 | Wed, 12/21/2011 - 04:56

UGG Boots UK

By: 200991 | Wed, 12/21/2011 - 04:56

UGG Boots UK

By: 200991 | Wed, 12/21/2011 - 04:54

DoubleX

The Root

Good Morning America

Washington Post