Our friendship advice columnist takes on friends who date losers.

Apologies in advance for the self-promotion. But one of the topics that has been discussed in Friend or Foe—good friends who make bad romantic choices—also happens to be a central tenet of my new book, I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU: a novel about best friends, published this week. In the opening scene (see below), married couple Wendy Murman and Adam Schwartz are on the verge of having sex, late one Sunday night, when the phone rings in the other room ...

I am curious to know if readers find Wendy’s response to her troubled friend (Daphne) to be appropriate. How do you deal with high-maintenance and depressed friends, especially those who make a habit out of dating married, incarcerated, drug-addled, or otherwise inappropriate people? Do you express sympathy, even when it means losing sleep? Or do you take the “tough love” approach, refusing to listen until they make changes to their dysfunctional lives? And at what point do you simply hold out the phone and roll your eyes? In the excerpt that follows, Wendy finds herself simultaneously fascinated with, concerned about, and resentful of Daphne’s endless hysterics. Tell me what you think in the comments section, or e-mail me at lucinda@imsohappyforyou.com. Friend or Foe will be back answering your pressing questions next week.

... Pushing Adam away from her, Wendy swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up.

“Can’t you just let the machine pick up?” Adam grumbled into his pillow.

“I’ll just be a minute,” Wendy said hurriedly on her way out the door.

The living room was pitch-black, and Wendy rammed her shin into the side of the coffee table. With one hand, and in agony, she clutched her leg; with the other, she felt around for the receiver, which was still ringing. She finally located it on the floor ...

“We-e-endy,” came the tremulous response.

Just as Wendy had suspected when she heard the phone ring, it was Daphne Uberoff, her best friend since college. Although it was after midnight, Wendy wasn’t surprised to hear her voice. With every passing year, Daphne seemed to grow needier. Wendy felt increasingly responsible for her mental and emotional well-being. She cared for Daphne; she also hated the idea of missing some fresh drama in Daphne’s life. “Daf,” she said in the most compassionate tone of voice she could muster, “what’s going on?”

“I’m sorry I’m calling so late.” Daphne followed her apology with a hiccupping sob reminiscent of bathwater being sucked down the drain of an old tub. “But I’m not okay.”

“Is it Mitch?” asked Wendy. It was mostly a rhetorical question, since it was always Mitch, as in “Mitchell Kroker Reporting Live from the Capital.” He was fifty, with the wrinkled and vaguely sulfurous complexion of a golden raisin. From what Wendy could gather, Daphne saw more of him on TV than in real life. This was possibly due to the fact that, in addition to being married to someone else (a weatherwoman named Cheryl with immovable hair), he lived in D.C, while Daphne lived in New York.

“He called me when he got into town tonight.” Daphne was practically hyperventilating. “We were supposed to see each other, but I was already feeling really frustrated because he was only going to be here for like a few hours”—audible inhale—“so I said I felt like this hotel he checked in and out of, and he said he was sorry I felt that way, but he was giving me all the time he had to give”—audible inhale—“so I said that wasn’t enough anymore and that I needed to know if this was leading anywhere and he said”—choking sob—“he said that if I needed the promise of a commitment in the future, we shouldn’t see each other anymore because he could never live with himself if he left the kids at least not until they’re out of the house which will be in like two hundred years at which point I’ll be like TWO THOUSAND!” Daphne began to weep.

Tags: friend or foe, friendship, i’m so happy for you, lucinda rosenfeld

Lucinda Rosenfeld is the author of I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU: A Novel About Best Friends.

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But, remember everybody does Cheap Snapbacks not show all of these signs. Even if your Snapbacks For Sale ex does not like you much now, there is a complete psychological strategy which you can follow to get your ex back.

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