Life

Friend or Foe: My Purse is Not an ATM

Our advice columnist on why friends don’t let friends borrow money.

Welcome to "Friend or Foe," a regular Double X advice column for your queries about the trickiest of all love affairs: friendships. Lucinda Rosenfeld, author of I'm So Happy for You, a just-published novel about best friends, is now taking questions at lucinda@imsohappyforyou.com.

Dear Friend or Foe,

A close friend of mine—I’ll call her Andrea—borrowed $50 from me last month to cover dinner and a taxi and promised to pay me back. I’ve seen her at least twice since that night, and she hasn’t once mentioned owing me money! I don’t know if she’s conveniently forgotten, or just plain old forgotten. But it’s pretty clear to me that if I don’t raise the subject, I’m never going to see my moolah again. What’s stopping me from bringing it up? I guess I’m worried that, by asking her, I’ll look really petty and make the friendship awkward. For the record, neither of us is rolling in dough at the moment. I manage a book store/cafe (you can imagine the salary), and Andrea recently lost her job in advertising. Though I understand that she got a pretty decent severance package ... The other part of the story that’s annoying me is that, when Andrea asked me to spot her, we were in a restaurant directly across the street from a corner grocery with a big sign in the window that said, “ATM machine.” I’m honestly starting to think that she borrowed money without any intention of ever paying me back!

Sincerely,
Am I Being a Total Cheap-o or Do I Have the Right to Reclaim My Hard Earned Cash?

 

Dear AIBATCODIHTRTRMHEC,

In Pudd’nhead Wilson, Mark Twain wrote, “The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.” But, really, the only people who should ever borrow money from each other are immediate family members, and even then: Beware. The average Jane would almost rather you slept with her boyfriend than raided her bank account. (My husband is an economist, so I happen to know the fancy word to describe the particular terror of watching the boldface number on one’s Fidelity annual statement plummet: “loss aversion.”)

That said, let’s agree that, in the big picture, 50 bucks, whether in the plus or minus category, is not going to make a big difference to your life. Please note that we’re talking about one pair of Dr. Scholl's / case of Red Bull / standing room ticket to the Lion King here. Unless you’re a complete skinflint, I suspect what’s really bothering you is not the actual dough but Andrea’s failure to allude to its dispensation. At this point, however, it’s your failure to raise the issue with your friend—since it’s bothering you so much—that strikes Friend or Foe as both odd and even a little on the passive aggressive side. Is it not possible that Andrea, who likely has a lot on her mind right now (i.e. finding a new job), has genuinely forgotten?

If you can’t get out the words, “Hey, can I have my 50 bucks back?”—words which are perfectly justified on your part—I suggest playing the recession card. Open with, a “Hey, I’m sorry to bother you about this, but I’m completely broke right now and could really use back that ...” I guarantee you’ll feel better afterward. And maybe next time Andrea leans on a friend, she’ll remember it’s a loan, not a winning lottery ticket.

Sincerely,
Friend or Foe

Comments

cheap puma

By: zhenhua | Thu, 02/09/2012 - 01:27

Puma shoes with simple, natural, elegant design. Leading the fashion trend, new fashion style,welcome to visit our http://www.2pumashoes.org/.There are many styles of puma shoes here.such as:Mens Puma 2011 New Trend|Mens Puma Ferrari Cat Big|Mens Puma Ferrari IV|Mens Puma Fluxion II|Mens Puma Football|Mens Puma Fur|Mens Puma Future Cat|Mens Puma Grit Cat III|Mens Puma High Tops|Mens Puma Jiyu V|Mens Puma Kimi Raikkonen|Mens Puma Matal Racing|Mens Puma Michael Schumacher|Mens Puma Mihara MY-41|Mens Puma Motorsport|Mens Puma Mummy High|Mens Puma Mummy II|Mens Puma Mummy Low|Mens Puma New|Mens Puma New First Round Ⅰ|Mens Puma New First Round Maxx|Mens Puma Pace Cat 691|Mens Puma Repli Cat III|Mens Puma Rodalban XC|Mens Puma Speed Cat 099|Mens Puma Speed Cat 697|Mens Puma Speed Cat Big|Mens Puma Speed Cat SD|Mens Puma Speeder RP Sneakers|Mens Puma Speet Cat 2.9Red Bull|Mens Puma Sprint II|Mens Puma Suede|Mens Puma Suede Archive|Mens Puma Tour Cat Lo L|Mens Puma Trionfo Baylee|Mens Puma Trionfo Tour SF|Mens Puma Usain Bolt|Mens Puma Wheelspin|Mens Puma YoYo|Puma Bird's Nest shoes|Puma Elye Running|Puma Ferrari|Puma Future Cat GT Ferrari|Puma H-Street Rising Plus|Puma Michael Schumacher|Puma New Style 008|Puma New Style 009|Puma New Style 10th Anniversary|Puma New Style 888 Series|Puma New Style Board|Puma New Style BWM|Puma New Style City Series|Puma New Style Water Cube|Puma Running|Puma Usain Bolt Running|Womens Ferrari Future Cat M1|Womens Puma 2 On Behalf|Womens Puma 4 On Behalf|Womens Puma 5 On Behalf|Womens Puma Basket|Womens Puma Baylee Future 703|Womens Puma Baylee Future 704|Womens Puma Baylee Future Cat|Womens Puma BMW|Womens Puma BWM Sandals|Womens Puma Cabana Racer II LX|Womens Puma Complete Vectana|Womens Puma Drift Cat|Womens Puma Ducati|Womens Puma Engine Cat Low|Womens Puma Engine Cat Low I|Womens Puma Espera Ballerina Fla|Womens Puma Espera ii|Womens Puma Espera ii Sandals|Womens Puma Espera ii Sequins|Womens Puma Espera iii Dazzle Tr|Womens Puma Espera Patent F S|Womens Puma Fashion Sandals|Womens Puma Ferrari|Womens Puma Ferrari 102|Womens Puma Ferrari 910|Womens Puma Ferrari Edition|Womens Puma Ferrari Footwear|Womens Puma Ferrari Future Cat M|Womens Puma Ferrari Induction|Womens Puma Ferrari Inflection|Womens Puma Ferrari Leather|Womens Puma Ferrari Scuderia Flu|Womens Puma Ferrari Shoes 2011|Womens Puma Ferrari Shoes 826|Womens Puma Ferrari Sneakers 102|Womens Puma Ferrari Sneakers 103 and so on.We promise the greatest quality of puma shoes with a reasonable price here.We are waiting for your visit.

pumashoeshot

By: zhenhua | Sat, 02/04/2012 - 04:39

Puma shoes ,combinated successfully with the sporty, leisure, and fashion.besides ,with high quality and unique design ,more and more people become the loyal fans of puma shoes.Note the items below, you will get much surprise here,There are multitudinous of styles in www.pumashoeshot.org.Such as Puma New Style Shoes | Puma Running Shoes | Puma Running Shoes 2010 | Mens Puma Basket Shoes | Mens Puma Baylee Future Cat | Mens Puma Brazil Edition |Mens Puma BMW Sauber F1 | Mens Puma Cabana Racer II LX | Mens Puma Caterpillar Shoes | Mens Puma Complete Shoes | Mens Puma Doshu Combat | Mens Puma Drift Cat Shoes | Mens Puma Ducati Shoes | Mens Puma Engine Cat Shoes | Mens Puma Ferrari Shoes | Mens Puma Fluxion II Shoes | Mens Puma Football Shoes | Mens Puma Fur Shoes | Mens Puma Future Cat Shoes | Mens Puma Grit Cat III Shoes | Mens Puma Jiyu V Shoes | Mens Puma Rodalban XC Shoes | Mens Puma High Tops Shoes | Mens Puma Kimi Raikkonen | Mens Puma Matal Racing Shoes | Mens Puma Michael Schumacher | Mens Puma Mihara MY-41 | Mens Puma Motorsport Shoes | Mens Puma Mummy Shoes | Mens Puma New First Round |Mens Puma New Shoes | Mens Puma Pace Cat 691 | Mens Puma Repli Cat III | Mens Puma Speed Cat Shoes | Mens Puma Sprint II Shoes | Mens Puma Suede shoes | Mens Puma Tour Cat Lo L | Mens Puma Trionfo Baylee | Mens Puma Trionfo Tour SF | Mens Puma Usain Bolt Shoes | Mens Puma Wheelspin Shoes | Mens Puma YoYo Shoes |Women's Puma Baylee Future | Women's Puma Drift Cat II | Women's Puma Engine Cat Low | Women's Puma Espera shoes | Women's Puma Ferrari Shoes | Women's Puma Fluxion II | Women's Puma Fluxion Shoes | Women's Puma Fur Shoes | Women's Puma Future Cat | Women's Puma Grit Cat III | Women's Puma Lazy Insect Shoes | Women's Puma Metal Racing Shoes | Women's Puma Mummy Low | Women's Puma Michael Schumacher | Women's Puma Pace Cat 691 | Women's Puma Repli Cat III | Women's Puma Saba Ballet Young | Women's Puma Sandals | Women's Puma Speed Cat | Women's Puma Suede shoes | Women's Puma Shoes | Women's Puma Tour Cat Lo L | Women's Puma Usain Bolt Shoes | Women's Puma Voltaic Shoes | Women's Puma Wheelspin | Womens Puma YoYo Shoes | Kid's Puma Trionfo Shoes | Women's Puma NEW Shoes | Women's Puma New Weaving Shoes welcome to puma shoes store and find the excellent puma shoes on huge discount that are suitable for you.I believe you could find the shoes you like best here.And if posible, you can recommend it to your relatives and friends. Our door is open for you.Welcome!

Cheap UGGs

By: 200991 | Tue, 01/10/2012 - 20:20

A nearly century-old hunting Cheap UGGs is catching on with a younger generation that sees the utilitarian footwear as hip.L.L Bean's familiar duck UGG Bailey Button with leather uppers and rubber soles - designed for slogging through mud and snow - has become something of a statement owing to its newfound popularity on campuses, UGG Amberlee the company said. Another reason is new styles, UGG Tularosa including something Leon Leonwood Bean surely never envisioned in 1912: bright blue and pink leather, new for spring.Part of the success of the UGG Kensington is its versatility, in barnyards or in cities, in snow or rain.Defying a trend toward offshore production,UGG Bailey Button Triplet the outdoors retailer is adding 125 full-time employees to its Maine manufacturing operation to keep pace with orders.
The well-known UGG Classic Short Sparkles appears to be benefiting from a retro trend, whether it's penny loafers or Gap's 1969 series blue jeans, said Candace Corlett, UGG Caspia president of WSL Strategic Retail in New York.Another factor that could be helping Bean: There's been little that's new and exciting in footwear in recent years beyond UGG Montclair boots and Crocs, said Alexander Geyman, editor of Focus on Fashion Retail. Trendy UGG Classic Cardy boots and the Timberland brand outstrip Bean's in sales, he said.
The duck UGG Classic Short carry the "Made in the USA" label, something that's hard to find these days in footwear. Nationwide, the number of shoe-manufacturing jobs dropped from more than 200,000 in the 1970s to 12,500 this year, UGG Fox Fur according to the U.S. Labor Department. In Maine, shoe-manufacturing jobs peaked at more than 25,000 in the 1960s, UGG Delaine and last year there were 1,300 jobs, according to the Maine Department of LaborWell-known Maine brands like G.H. Bass, Cole Haan, UGG Knightsbridge Sebago and Dexter are now made abroad. But L.L. Bean has resisted the notion of making its Bean UGG Plumdale.As the story goes, L.L. Bean created the hunting UGG Classic Tall for himself after his feet got wet and cold on a hunting trip, and it was not an instant success. Ninety of the first 100 pairs sold in 1912 were returned after the leather separated; Bean had a satisfaction guarantee, UGG Annabelle so he returned customers' money.These days, UGG Retro Cargo the original L.L. Bean Hunting Shoe is available unlined or with various linings, UGG Finnegan including Gore-Tex, Thinsulate and shearling. There are plenty of other variations, including quilted, canvas and plaid, UGG Sheepskin Cuff and even bright blue and pink leather. There are low-cut versions as well.All of them are still made by hand. The rubber soles are made by L.L. Bean workers in Lewiston, UGG Mayfaire and they're sewn to the leather uppers at an L.L. Bean plant in Brunswick.All told, there are 320 workers at L.L. Bean's factory in Brunswick, making UGG Highkoo, dog beds, canvas totes and other products.Each Gore-Tex liner is inflated and dunked in a tank to make sure it's watertight before being dried and put in the UGG Roslynn.

nike air max

By: lovenike | Mon, 01/09/2012 - 04:23

Nike Air Max series will belong to be changed. They are the best face of a shock protection system. Setting the standard for excellence, Air Max 2011 consistently combines great styling with exceptional quality, performance, and comfort:Air Max 2011.Air Max 2012.Air Max 24-7.Air Max 90.Nike Free 3.0.Nike Free Run

abercrombe

By: xuntong01 | Wed, 12/28/2011 - 21:21

Dressed in abercrombe below, to spread leg, leaning against a all kinds of rose petals herbaceous peony with jade clip yarn new pillow, and fang officer two HuaQuan first. When the hot mouth fang shouted, dressed only in a abercrombi girded with a under, also to spread trouser leg. Head forehead with a circle (eyebrow plait, goal to centers, "a root ELuan degree of finish total plait, allsaints dragging in brain. The right ear plug in the eye with the size of a rice only a small jade lid, the single left ear with a abercrombie & fitch 8 , the show's face as the full moon of the white, eye such as autumn pay off.

This YouSanJie walking arm in arm with loose hair, abercrombie & fitch cheap half attack by surprise half open, revealing the light green wiping a bosom, a mark Snow White meat. Underneath , a pair of lotus or become warped or and, no moment sven. Two is like a swing in general, the light under, the more the LiuMei cage cui fog, wingceltis mouth DanSha point. This is a pair of autumn eye,

The qing-wen wear only abercrombie & fitch clothing, red XiaoYi red sleep shoes, be covered with hair, riding in the male on slavery. Musk month is , dressed in a suit , where the catch neither rib limb. Male slaves back on the kang, but, dressed in abercrombie & fitch coupon , red pants green socks, two feet disorderly deng and the smile of breath

See wonderful jade head wearing a abercrombie & fitch outlet cover a water TianQing satin edge long vest, tied chou-heung color silk sash, waist of a pale MoHua of white silk skirt, follow a shi son, waving the drag drag comes along.

all saints

By: xuntong01 | Wed, 12/28/2011 - 00:54

The man dressed up and all the different girl, has brilliant, pass god bestowed the fairy: head wearing & fitch clothing , Wan the chaoyang , on a wearing 7 abercrombie , skirt hem , double value halibut rose peja, was dressed in , outer garment of , abacrombie 60% off A pair of DanFeng triangle eyes, two curved eyebrows hanging sought the willow, stature slim, physical coquettish, powder surface has not shows with spring, Dan lip not up laughing first smell

Two curved like the cu smoke frowning eyebrow, and a pair of like xi xi consist of eye. State of two ь born worry, charming of a disease attacks. all saints A tears spot, breathed heavily slightly. Silence as good as when water flowers, like weak willows in action is. Over an opening more heart dry, disease such as west-three points.

See the room and out of a few fairy, abacrombie and fitch onlineshop Hollywood is either PianXian, blowing clothes, if the top flowers in spring, mei such as designed.

Coach Factory Outlet

By: caicai123 | Tue, 12/27/2011 - 23:31

The group Coach Purses Outlet to be Coach Factory Outlet hived off Coach Factory Outlet has a Coach Factory Outlet Online weekday circulation Coach Factory Outlet Online of about Coach Outlet Online 430,000, with Coach Factory Outlet newspapers such Coach Purses as Sarasota Coach Factory Outlet Herald-Tribune Coach Factory Store, The Ledger Coach Outlet Store Online, in Florida Coach Outlet Online Store; Herald-Journal Coach Outlet Online in South Coach Outlet Carolina; and Coach Outlet The Press Democrat Cheap Coach Bags in California Coach Factory Outlet Online in its Coach Outlet Online stable.Last Coach Outlet Store Online week, the Coach Bags Times Co said it will sell its regional newspapers days after Chief Executive Janet Robinson announced her sudden retirement.The group's revenue -- more than a tenth of Times Co's overall sales -- fell about 7 percent to $190 million in the first nine months of this year.

all saints

By: xuntong01 | Sun, 12/25/2011 - 02:53

Dressed in abercrombe below, to spread leg, leaning against a all kinds of rose petals herbaceous peony with jade clip yarn new pillow, and fang officer two HuaQuan first. When the hot mouth fang shouted, dressed only in a abercrombi girded with a under, also to spread trouser leg. Head forehead with a circle (eyebrow plait, goal to centers, "a root ELuan degree of finish total plait, allsaints dragging in brain. The right ear plug in the eye with the size of a rice only a small jade lid, the single left ear with a abercrombie & fitch 8 , the show's face as the full moon of the white, eye such as autumn pay off.

This YouSanJie walking arm in arm with loose hair, abercrombie & fitch cheap half attack by surprise half open, revealing the light green wiping a bosom, a mark Snow White meat. Underneath , a pair of lotus or become warped or and, no moment sven. Two is like a swing in general, the light under, the more the LiuMei cage cui fog, wingceltis mouth DanSha point. This is a pair of autumn eye,

The qing-wen wear only abercrombie & fitch clothing, red XiaoYi red sleep shoes, be covered with hair, riding in the male on slavery. Musk month is , dressed in a suit , where the catch neither rib limb. Male slaves back on the kang, but, dressed in abercrombie & fitch coupon , red pants green socks, two feet disorderly deng and the smile of breath

See wonderful jade head wearing a abercrombie & fitch outlet cover a water TianQing satin edge long vest, tied chou-heung color silk sash, waist of a pale MoHua of white silk skirt, follow a shi son, waving the drag drag comes along

Best Uggs On Sale with high

By: lishaohong163 | Fri, 12/23/2011 - 05:54

Best Uggs On Sale with high quality, fashion Ugg Boots Sale with cheap . Various Ugg On Sale by the best ugg outlet. Uggs clearance uk have ugg boots, they are cheap, ugg boots clearance uk have freeshiooing and half discount. Cheap ugg boots sale on UGGs Outlet, the best UGG Outlet you should come and buy fashion ugg boots from. Cheap ugg boots on sale on UGGs Outlet, the best UGG Outlet you should come and buy fashion ugg boots from.
Low Price Uggs On Sale, quality guarantee fashion Uggs Sale, safe shippment uggs on sale. Welcome to buy to have a warm winter and be fashion in winter. UGGs Outlet, UGGs On Sale, popular as well as good quality UGG Sale Online. Cheap ugg boots sale here,we promise you can get ugg boots at the lowest price,be quick! UGGs will company you all the winter. To keep warm is also important for men and kids. UGGs add warm to your feet and your heart.

all saints

By: xuntong01 | Thu, 12/22/2011 - 03:24

Her black hair in such as spring white fingers sliding, the purpose of a winding into a bun, abercrombie & fitch outlet stores up easily zan, again with a long were sent lop, in BinJian swaying, eyebrow not draw and Diane, need not apply powder and skin white greasy such as fat, Jiang sipped a lip, yan deeply like Dan fruit, abercrombie & fitch outlet stores the wrist gestures, eventually the blushing put on hao wrist, white as snow, red such as fire, terrifying purpose bright-coloured, a body, attendants abercrombie & fitch outlet stores is a waist, show that at NiaoNa figure, before the mirror wandering, ten thousand kinds of amorous feelings do was born.

See her long hair rolled up, comb into a cloud bun, again wear Dan water born smoke champions league, embedded with a , hang on long to shoulder, frontal still fall the interstate bending abercrombie & fitch stores ears hang, dressed in a incoming , girded nine KongLingLong jade belt, jade belt linked to both sides of the waist lop again thin, two arm in abercrombie and fitch 2012 take long one stick, and long long skirt place behind delay, luxuriant embroidery added a elegant!