Health & Science

Does Getting Dumped Feel Like Breaking a Bone?

A new study suggests that some people may experience emotional distress physically.

Ever wonder why some people are rattled by rejection while others seem to roll with life’s punches? They could be born that way, according
to a new study suggesting that some people have a genetic variation that makes them experience emotional pain in the same way they feel physical pain. These results challenge the long-held cultural assumption that the sting from being snubbed by a co-worker, dumped by a boyfriend, or left off an Evite is all in your head. The discovery of a genetic connection to rejection could give less resilient people comfort and perhaps even courage to endure the toughest rebuffs. It might even provide clues for future medical treatments.

Recent research has shown that distress from social rejection is generated in the same areas of the brain as discomfort from a sprained ankle. Other studies in animals have found that opiumlike painkillers called opioids relieve both kinds of pain. Since they act on a specific opioid receptor gene, researchers at the University of California-Los Angeles set out to see whether individual variations of the gene were associated with how sensitive people were to rejection. They questioned 122 students about their reactions to being excluded and found that those who were most easily wounded had the same genetic marker found in their saliva. Brain scans confirmed the findings.

The study, published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, is significant because it’s the first to look at this specific genetic relationship to social rejection in humans, says Markus Heilig, a psychiatrist and clinical director at the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. The next challenge is to find a drug that might soothe emotional hurts or create a chemical shield to deflect insults. Naomi Eisenberger, psychologist and study co-author, says her results suggest that drugs that target opioids might be effective in altering one’s sensitivity, but researchers are still on the hunt to find ones that aren’t addictive. She also says it’s too early to know whether people with this genetic marker will necessarily be more sensitive to rejection. Factors such as upbringing, environment, and past experiences also influence how we respond.

In the meantime, knowing that you’re genetically predisposed to be sensitive can be reassuring. It’s easier to handle a diss when you suspect you feel bad because of your biology and not because of your behavior. In other words, the rejection isn’t always about you.

But sometimes it is. True rejection serves a valuable social purpose. In short, it lets us know when we’re jerks. In these cases, blaming biology isn’t productive, explains Mark Dombeck, psychologist and director of mentalhelp.net. The problem here for less resilient types is that they could be so overwhelmed by a brushoff itself, they might have trouble figuring out their role in it.

A popular psychological approach called cognitive behavioral therapy could help them distinguish their feelings from facts to gain perspective, e.g., “She didn’t invite you to her party because it’s a work event—not because she’s embarrassed by you” or “She didn’t invite you because you got drunk last time and yelled at her guests.” However, Dombeck cautions that extremely reactive people might have trouble staying rational. “It’s more important to teach them how to calm themselves, not unpack fallacies,” he says, suggesting they might benefit more from meditation or stress-management exercises. “They are not helpless.”

The current thinking is that regardless of our genetic hand, we can teach ourselves to be more resilient and more like those lucky people who don’t let rejection threaten their self-esteem. They also manage strong emotions, keep blows in perspective, and maintain a positive view of themselves, according to the American Psychological Association’s “The Road to Resilience.”

Tags: cognitive behavioral therapy, rejection, self esteem

Sarah Elizabeth Richards is the author of Motherhood Rescheduled: Five Women, Five Quests to Stop the Biological Clock to be published in summer 2010. Get the latest by joining the mailing list at www.motherhoodrescheduled.com.

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