Michelle, Put on Some Pantyhose

Like scores of American women, Michelle Obama detests pantyhose. “I stopped wearing pantyhose a long time ago because it was painful,” she said on The View last June. “Put ‘em on, rip ‘em—it’s inconvenient.” As any woman knows, Michelle has a point. Wearing pantyhose is like being stuffed—thighs, butt, and belly—into a casing. Whether they’re 99-cent L’Eggs or $99 Fogels, they are good for one use, guaranteed to snag and run, rendering even the most uptight, Brooks Brothers skirt-suited attorney an Elmer Batters fetish model [2]. This seems to be yet another way in which Michelle has raided Jackie O’s closet and tweaked it in the name of comfort and convenience. Jackie O might have gone sleeveless—as the press never failed to remind us—but her legs were nearly always sheathed.

So is this just more proof that Michelle Obama is “[a]n authentically empowered real woman who looks and feels like a modern woman in the 21st century,” as Oprah told Vogue’s André Leon Talley? Well, what the Obama-struck fail to acknowledge is that there is nothing casual—or natural—about a bare leg in 2009. Not in today’s medicalized beauty culture. Whereas pantyhose are lambasted as being constrictive and a colossal waste of money, going bare means a woman must consider waxing, exfoliation, firming creams, anti-cellulite and stretch-mark treatments, regular pedicures, and salon spray tans or self-tanners—yes, even for women of color. According to Mikki Taylor, beauty director and cover editor of Essence, self-tanners for black women are used “to combat sallowness and promote glow,” she explained over the phone. It used to be that a woman had to visit a spa to find these products. Today, however, even Duane Reade drugstores, ubiquitous in New York City, foists them upon us. Indeed, they’ve become as common as aspirin and toilet paper. And, it would appear, just as necessary.

For more aggressive treatment there is always the option of cosmetic surgery, where you may undergo laser skin-resurfacing (to smooth out texture and blotches), and liposuction for thighs, knees, and—yes—ankles. When varicose veins and spider veins surface—more visible on white women—there is sclerotherapy ($300 to $800 per treatment) as well as invasive endovenous ablations ($2,500 per treatment). Black women scar more easily than white women, and for that there are more, and specialized, lasers. Not to mention the new “baggy” knee surgery, popularized by Demi Moore, which Vogue wrote about in last August’s “Age(Less)” issue. The demise of pantyhose corresponds to a nearly 500 percent increase in plastic surgery and a soaring growth in over-the-counter “cosmeceuticals,” many of which are misbranded drugs suckering women with their science-ese and Rx packaging as the FDA turns a blind eye. In 2007, sales of cosmeceuticals reached $16 billion; they are expected to reach $21 billion by 2012, according to Packaged Facts reports.

“[Michelle] will have proved, once and for all, that a woman can grow older without looking old,” Robin Givhan of the Washington Post cheered in the New Yorker’s recent style issue. But think about it. Who else in the public sphere runs around in bare legs in February? You guessed it: the Paris Hiltons and Lindsay Lohans of the world. For the last 10 years or so we've been subjected to their panty (and panty-less) shots as they climb out of limos. The casual, skin-baring, breezy, and ultimately juvenile Hollywood look has had an enormous impact on fashion in the last decade. And as the Beverly Hills-based Dr. Anthony Griffin (whose specialty is nonwhite skin) told me recently, “Trends in fashion and self-exposure absolutely dictate the surgeries we are asked to perform.”

In our wholesale rejection of pantyhose, we have forgotten that they were invented as the ultimate comfort and convenience. For more than a dozen centuries, women have worn to-the-knee stockings of wool, cotton or—if you were rich—sheer silk, fastened to a girdle or corset with garters. But in 1953, Allen Gant Sr., an executive of Glen Raven Mills, a textile company in North Carolina, took a pair of nylon to-the-knee stockings and attached them to nylon underwear for his pregnant wife, who complained that the combination of stockings-garters-girdle-panties was insufferable. Glen Raven Mills began producing the sheer, toe-to-waist nylon leg-coverings in 1959 and marketed them under the brand name Panti-Legs.

Of course, the real breakthrough for Panti-Legs and pantyhose came with the introduction of the miniskirt in 1965. The new hemline—higher than ever—required a clinging full-leg sheath, lest the tops of stockings and garters show. Additionally, the invention of Lycra gave the nylons snap-back cling and more durability. Another plus: The invention of circular knitting machines meant that back seams were finally an optional, rather than unavoidable, byproduct of the knitting process. Now the fully sheathed leg could appear more naturally bare than ever before. Panti-legs gave women the aesthetic pleasure of a smooth, airbrushed-looking leg with the psychological comfort of knowing that they were covered.

Sixty years later, pantyhose still provide the same benefits. You slip them on, and your leg troubles disappear: You may skip a shave; forgo a waxing appointment; and mask scars, bug bites, cellulite, varicose veins, fat, discoloration, and bruises on even the most fish-belly-white or sallow of skin tones. Your leg looks polished; the faint tint and soft outline complement any outfit. (This is the advantage of pantyhose over opaque tights.) No wonder 1,401,783,000 pairs of pantyhose were sold in 2008, according to the NPD Group.

It seems like pantyhose-clad dames are ahead of the runway and red-carpet gals, anyhow. At Paris Fashion Week, tailored garments were supplanting the sloppy, tossed-together walk-of-shame looks on the runway; the new look has a hard, mature edge that was styled with pantyhose. (Perhaps the hose lovers’ perverse secret has caught on: There is nothing inherently “old lady” about a sheer garment that broadcasts refusal of the flesh within. It is very erotic—just not obviously so.) Photographs on style blogs showed attendees decked in all manner of legwear: sheer polka-dot, seamed hose and footless black hose. A pantyhose renaissance is definitely upon us. In fact, I even glimpsed a pair on Michelle Obama at the G-20 Summit.

Article Photograph of Michelle Obama by Saul Loeb/Getty Images

Blurb Image Photograph of Michelle Obama by Handout/Getty Images

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