Why Texting and Blind Dates Don’t Mix: Readers’ Stories

Earlier this month, we asked readers to send us their tales of Internet interactions gone awry [2]—the sort of misunderstandings, over-Googlings, and embarrassing misfired e-mails that can best be described as awkward and wrong. Kelly wrote in with a great story, and she is putting it out there to get conversation flowing. Add your own awkward and wrong Google/Twitter/text sagas in the comments section below. Kelly and the Double X staff will show up below and on Facebook to mix it up with you.

I was scolded by a man I’d never met. Admittedly, Doug1968 wasn’t a complete stranger. We’d exchanged some introductory e-mails after he found my profile on a dating website. He was good-looking with a steady job, which in my online experience was hard to come by. I’d even spent 20 minutes Googling him. No police record. Things were looking promising. But suddenly, I found myself apologizing before we’d even spoken. Over text.

Doug1968 and I had decided to skip a phone conversation in favor of texting to arrange the details for meeting face-to-face. First mistake.

Here’s my innocent text, confirming our plans:

“Hey, hope u r well. We still on for Wed?”

His text back: “Wed? I thought we had plans for Mon?”

Me: “I thought we confirmed Wednesday …” Perhaps spelling it out would make it clear.

I got back an e-mail, in which Doug1968 explained that he had a class Wednesday night and would rather meet Monday. I had plans that night with a girlfriend who was just back from Europe. She trumped a blind date. I responded, asking if we could meet the following week.

He texted back: “No, let’s meet Weds. I can skip the class.”

I didn’t want to begin a date with reservations, or with him being upset or resentful in some way. I called my girlfriend to explain why I had to cancel. Feeling relieved, I sent an e-mail to Doug1968 letting him know that I could do Monday after all.

The following morning, I received his texted response: “I just changed plans on somebody because of our texts yesterday and I had plans with you! I expect the same courtesy. See him Friday.”

He thought I was blowing him off for another date? And he had plans with somebody? What happened to his “class”? This was definitely a hostile text.

I could feel the blood rush to my face. I was about to send a nasty text back, but then thought again. Because our communication was entirely textual, was it possible we were both misreading each other?

Instead, I wrote back: “It’s one of my best girlfriends, not a guy, but I will cancel. See u Wed. Apologies.”

I thought this was a civil response. I didn’t want him assuming I’d blown him off for another date. Perhaps he would realize how ridiculous this whole thing was. Instead of a phone call in reply or some kinder words, I received this:

“She wins ... have fun. I’m having a hard time with this. Honestly, how many dates do you have a week? You realize you had to schedule me a week and a half out because you were booked up! Thinking online girls are spread too thin.”

I decided to call him since texting was obviously messing things up. I got his voicemail after the third ring. I was pretty sure he was screening my call, so I decided to muster some degree of diplomacy and leave a pleasant message.

“Hi, I just wanted to call instead of text ...” I paused. Perhaps I was overreacting. He had a nice voice judging from his greeting. “Anyway, I canceled plans with my friends so I’m free Monday or Wednesday.” God, I sounded pathetic. Was I that desperate to meet this guy? I kept going. “Sorry for the miscommunication. Let me know what you want to do.”

I hung up feeling worse. Maybe this was why people stopped buying answering machines a few years back. Soon voicemail would be obsolete. We can’t trust our own thoughts as they escape our mouths. We need a delete button for everything.

I received his texted response:

“Ok, see you Weds since you moved her instead of me, lol.”

This was interrupted by a text from Rob-luv32, another online dating prospect, whom I’d only e-mailed once before:

“hope ur having a good day hot stuff ...” In a twisted way, Rob-luv32 made me feel a little better.

A moment later a new text from Doug1968 arrived:

“You’re probably going to kill me but any way we can make it Thurs? Bought something on Craigslist and picking it up near your work. I can only get it Thurs. It would be better for both of us!”

I was starting to hate myself, for apologizing, for wanting him to like me despite his behavior and grammatical mistakes, for still trying to schedule this date. But I was curious. Who the hell was this guy? I wrote back:

“Hey Doug—just changed my plans so we can meet Thurs for a drink in Pasadena—7 good?”

He responded:

“Can we move to 8 or 8:30? Trying to get everything done before we meet instead of having to rush after.”

I l knew I should stop right there. But I wanted to give him one last chance, in person. Maybe we would look back at this one day and laugh. Or not. I wrote back: “That’s fine. See u then.”

While sitting at the bar Thursday night at 8:20 p.m., waiting for Doug1968 to arrive, I received his final text:

“Address??? Thought you were emailing me with directions. I’ve never been there. R u trying to ditch me?”

I tipped the bartender $20, turned off my phone, and walked out the door.

The next online prospect I decided to meet ... called me.

Photograph by Getty Images.

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