Deployment Diary: Dealing With Depressed Military Kids

The text from my friend last month was in all caps, urging me to turn on the radio right away. I can’t keep myself from an all-caps command and caught the tail end of a report about a new RAND Corp. study [2] analyzing the negative effects of longer parental deployments on military children. As I listened to the reporter’s conclusions, I mentally checked the boxes of our own experience: Children in military families had emotional and behavioral difficulties at rates above national averages; they reported symptoms of anxiety in higher numbers than other children; they related more problem behaviors, like fighting.

Most significantly to me—because my husband is an active-duty Naval officer serving a 12-month deployment in the Middle East—longer periods of deployment were associated with greater challenges both during the separation and afterward. The Pentagon's continuing buildup in Afghanistan means that it will take longer to meet its stated goal for all troops to get two years at home between deployments. This reduced "dwell time" (the period the servicemember spends at home) is in part responsible for the strain the RAND report describes. The authors have emphasized in interviews that long-term programs supporting young people and their caregivers throughout the length of the deployment, with regular follow-ups after the servicemember’s return, are the solution, rather than support focused only during the initial months of absence.

My children and I have firsthand experience with programs the military offers families of deployed servicemembers on two very different U.S. military bases during my husband's deployments. The bases are polar opposites in size and resources available, and the biggest problem I see is that standards of care vary so widely. This is a particularly vexing issue in the area of behavioral health. Throughout the long and frustrating process of seeking solutions that would help my children deal with their anger, depression, and feelings of abandonment in the wake of my husband’s departures, I spent endless hours on the phone in search of professionals to help smooth out the rough patches. The military health care system covered our referrals to civilian providers when we were on a small base with limited offerings, though to find the right fit we had to drive 80 miles each way.

Our quest was successful. But I've been a military spouse for eight years. I know where to look for family-friendly services, I don’t give up, and because I work part-time from home, I can devote myself to the task. Spouses who work outside the home don't have the same luxury. Others, unused to the idea that the military owes their children a healthy start, may abandon hope when the first few leads dry up. That’s why standardization of care for dependents of deployed service members across military services and installations is critical. Although the RAND report gets it right on every issue it covers, this is, unfortunately, one point it ignores.

The timing of the RAND report was poignant for me, and not just because we are nearing the halfway point in my husband’s current deployment. In mid-December, as I was mentally sifting through these findings, my children and I were invited to the White House. We had the honor of lighting the Hanukkah menorah and reciting the holiday blessings, and during the event we met with President Obama, Mrs. Obama, and Vice President Biden, who thanked my children and me for our service to the country and sympathized with the difficulty of missing a loved one.

Since last year’s inauguration, I have watched with great interest as Mrs. Obama has met with military families around the country to brainstorm on ways to improve the lives of spouses and children left behind, and it was a privilege to speak directly to her about our own situation. Her words, gestures, and actions, and the president’s, underscored their depth of understanding for the challenges military families face during wartime.

Throughout the evening, I thought of the many military families I have met throughout my husband’s career and the hardships they have experienced because of the ongoing wars. The RAND survey is a snapshot of life for these families, but I've seen the close-up: domestic disputes, abuse, troubled children seeking outlets that are dead ends. I also reflected on the daunting challenges my own children have faced, and my occasional gripping fear that I am not equipped to help them through these difficulties. That night, amid the glitter and the glamour, the statistics raced through my head: Two million children, just like mine, are faced with wrenching separations from a parent and the long-term repercussions. That’s a message certainly worthy of all caps.