Author J. Robert Lennon has a very amusing and delightfully honest story in the Los Angeles Times, "The Truth About Writers," that answers any gnawing questions you may have had regarding exactly what writers are doing with all that time in which they claim to be writing. Writing? Mmmm. Not exactly. In fact, most of their writing time is spent ... not writing.

Certainly, some of us Double Xers have spent our time instead, as Lennon notes of himself and others, belly-aching about the fact that if only we had more time, if only we had more money, heck, if only we had a sugar daddy, we would write, write more, write until someone tried to stop us.

During a four-hour "writing session," Lennon finds he spent a grand total of 33 minutes actually writing. "What this means is that, even at my absolute peak of productivity," he notes, "I am actively writing less than 5 percent of the time." Based on his findings, he wonders if he should even call himself a writer. More fitting job descriptions: "eater," "sleeper," "naked girl imaginer," "child reprimander," "cougher."

He concludes that writers "have invented 'writing time' as a normalizing concept, to shield ourselves from the critical scrutiny we deserve." Tragically, that sounds about right. At least, to this ... uh, "writer."

Photograph of woman not writing by Getty Images.

Tags: sugar daddies, writers

In an effort to answer why so many "lady lawyers, doctors, and MBAs" at their class reunions "were still slaving after forty," authors Elizabeth Ford and Daniela Drake (a lady doctor, herself) have explored "why do bimbos fare better than the smart chicks" in their new sociological study from Perseus publishing: Smart Girls Marry Money. Sadly, the pink-covered book is not a comic novel by Anita Loos but a "hard hitting indictment on society" doubling as a how-to manual for enterprising gold diggers. While the book is intended for the audience of "young supple beauties squandering their hotness," there is good news for single women whose "sell date is long overdue": Women over 40 "may still avoid working until you drop dead."

Perseus' calculating assessment of its bimbo market (the publisher's titles include the madly successful Skinny Bitch—"a tart-tongued, no-holds-barred wakeup call to all women who want to be thin"—which spawned at least three sequels) suggests that sure bets are cute terms (fluffer wife, feminasties, and fugly are well-used in the text), dire warnings ("if you marry a man with potential, when he finally achieves, he often leaves"), and tips for trollops ("If all else fails, you can always go for the short guy. He's funny and sweet and if he earns, he's worth a second look").

Here's a tip of my own: Nothing against diamonds, but except in one of my favorite old songs (T-Bone Burnett version here), they do not make true friends.

Tags: daniela drake, elizabeth ford, marrying money, perseus, skinny bitch, smart girls marry money