I've been obsessed with WASP culture for as long as I can remember. Maybe it was because I watched too many Whit Stillman movies at an impressionable age, or maybe it's because I visited too many homes of gilded age robber barons on historical field trips. More likely it's because I was raised in a town that was restricted to non-WASPs until the '60s, and they were my best friends and early crushes. In any event, I was looking forward to reading Tad Friend's Cheerful Money: Me, My Family, and the Last Days of WASP Splendor, because I thought it would reveal the inner workings of a group I've long observed from the outside.

And it does provide compelling ethnographical details—how high WASPs say "coffin" rather than "casket" because the former is "the earliest "Anglo-Saxon word available;" how they will discuss the cost of heating oil but never their yearly salaries; and why they prefer ungainly, massively slobbering dogs as pets. ("[A]n emblem of our pastoral and sporting roots, and because they help us get muddy. They are transitional objects, allowing the otherwise unseemly romp and snuggle.") But the memoir is not just a litany of amusing affectations. It's the story of the Friend family, and more importantly, the benign neglect school of WASP parenting.

The allowance of physical muddiness but not emotional muddiness is key to the WASP parent/child relationship. Cheerful Money is at its best when Friend writes about his attempts to express those messier feelings with his forebears. Early on in the book, Friend describes a sort of "intervention" that he and his siblings have with his widowed father. Tad and his siblings Timmie and Pier tell their father that they want to spend more time with him, that they want him to be more present in their lives. Their father misunderstands, and thinks his children want to hear more about his quotidian outings with his new girlfriend, (whom he only refers to formally, by her full name) Mary French. Friend writes, "We glanced at each other: No, we want you to pay closer attention to us ... None of us had had the heart, or nerve, to correct him."

In this way, Cheerful Money is relatable even for those without a vested interest in high WASP trappings. The loneliness in the space between parents and children is something even people without threadbare L.L. Bean sweaters and last names for first names can relate to.

Tags: and the last days of wasp splendor, book of the week, cheerful money, cheerful money: me, my family, robber barons, tad friend

This is one of several reader responses we've published responding to the question "What have you given up in the recession?" Read more reader responses and Emily Bazelon's related story on recession concessions. Next question: What haven't you given up, despite the recession? Send answers to us at doublex.recession@gmail.com.

Thanks to all the properties in Jackson County, Missouri, being re-appraised without anyone actually viewing them, and our property value being lowered 19 percent because of the part of town we’re in, we’ve had to give up on our idea of refinancing to a lower rate. According to the County, our house is now worth $4,000 less than the mortgage owed against it. People closer to Kansas City fared far worse, with inner-city and surrounding inner-core area values dipping by 26 percent.

It’s really not fair. We have a nice house and excellent credit, but we cannot even refinance the loan we have without then paying PMI.

We bought the house twelve years ago for $16K more than it’s worth now. You tell me that’s not totally depressing.

I told the Home Depot guy about it and I ranted a little about how every repair we’d ever made was of no benefit and asked if anyone else was more reluctant to fix up their houses, and he started crying.

Tags: housing prices, recession, recession sacrifices, refinancing

This is one of several reader responses we've published responding to the question "What have you given up in the recession?" Read more reader responses and Emily Bazelon's related story on recession concessions. Next question: What haven't you given up, despite the recession? Send answers to us at doublex.recession@gmail.com.

The recession started for me last year, when I got "fired" from the best paying job I had ever had. I am a Veterinary Technician, so even very good pay is relative—50K a year still doesn't buy a house in the SF Bay Area. I found a new job fairly quickly—I have lots of experience and there are always more jobs than employees in my field—but I am making 10K a year less now. Plus, I have a longer commute, so my gas costs are higher.

More directly, I also breed and show Japanese Bobtail cats. Or, at least I used to. I really cannot afford to show anymore, and I made a decision not to have any litters this year because buying a cat is probably among the ultimate in luxury spending, and I was worried I wouldn't be able to place the kittens. Since I always operate my hobby in the red (costs are *always* higher then income—even an IRS agent told me I shouldn't bother trying to claim anything, because I didn't qualify as a business), I have had to make the decision to stop the very thing I love doing most, and have done for the last 20 years. I have realized that the majority of my friends were made through the Cat Fancy, and so do feel cut off. Luckily, I have more time now for my boyfriend and am trying to see staying home on weekends and just relaxing (and trying not to spend money) as a good thing and not a bad one. I am hoping that things change soon. If they don't, then I'm never going to breed or show again...

Tags: cats, hobbies, recession, recession sacrifices, unemployment

This is one of several reader responses we've published responding to the question "What have you given up in the recession?" Read more reader responses and Emily Bazelon's related story on recession concessions. Next question: What haven't you given up, despite the recession? Send answers to us at doublex.recession@gmail.com.

I gave up my job early last summer to spend time caring for a terminally ill parent, thinking that when it was over, I can easily find another job. No regrets on leaving my job for my parents. When it "was over" the economy tanked. I prepared to be unemployed until January, and it was then I realized how competitive it is out there and how tough as an older worker (late 40's) the task before me is.

Two months ago I gave up my absolute favorite car (and cried) to pay my mortgage. This after giving up and selling other items to pay my mortgage previously. The car sale allowed yet one more payment to be made on my home. In this economic time, it is about NEED, not WANT. I WANTED to keep my car of 14 years, but I NEEDED to keep my home. I sure wanted other items I gave up, but I didn't NEED them.

I gave up my red nail polish, coffee, fast food, hair appointments, fitness membership—Yes, I want all these but don't need them.

I gave up on Social Security benefits when I'm eligible since my annual statement/estimate actually read that my benefits paid WILL be 70 percent of the actual earned entitlement. And after 2037, nearly insolvent.

You hear a lot about families with kids, yet I assure you many are like me. Almost homeless, single, older, 401K virtually non-existent and losing job opportunities to those in their 30's.

Apparently I gave up a lot of friends, their choice, as being unemployed. One friend with whom I had been very close actually came out and confessed, "....I feel awful talking to you knowing you're not getting work and can't bring myself to ask how it's going." REALITY IS THIS: We are being treated as terminally ill people by some who hold the attitude that there is nothing they can do to help, so they stop contact and think someone else will help. Ugly but true. But they CAN help by talking to us. We are still the same as ever, just not so financially privileged as before.

I personally remain very optimistic about my future and I know that if I cannot find the opportunity, I have to create it for myself. I'm healthy, creative, terribly realistic and have not asked for money. I don't see my enthusiasm in a lot of other similarly situated folks. Wake up everyone!!! The real damage done to those people isn't lack of money. It's the utter lack of respect and disregard displayed by those still working to those who aren't, including by family members. This is so prevalent, that I proactively visit with people in my situation and help ensure they do not engage in a pity party. This is such a large scale issue that I see the economic boom of the future as this: counseling service providers will not be able to handle the number of Americans in need of their services.

You next question should be "What won't you give up?" For me, I won't give up my drive, passion to succeed, confidence, my house and my clear nail polish. I can easily live on oatmeal and bananas until the next job is secured. Life is good.

Tags: friendship, optimism, recession, recession sacrifices, wants vs needs

This is one of several reader responses we've published responding to the question "What have you given up in the recession?" Read more reader responses and Emily Bazelon's related story on recession concessions. Next question: What haven't you given up, despite the recession? Send answers to us at doublex.recession@gmail.com.

Due to this recession, I've had to give up my weekly bottle(s) of wine and eating whatever I had a hankering for at the time, i.e, Chipotle, Wendy's, Chinese, pizza, sushi, etc. Just recently, I was met with the difficult decision in buying a pack of Oreos or to ignore such cravings and save money. (I had the hubby buy a snack pack, which is cheaper than buying a family size pack---problem solved). Needless to say, there are some positives with being on a super tight budget:

1. I'm probably a little healthier (minus the benefits from my daily glass of red wine)

2. Maybe a little slimmer (although I'm petite/average for my height)

3. Have learned to cook several new meals to substitute/satisfy those cravings

4. And a stronger will power to say, "No" to wants

Although it's uncomfortable, my goods still outweigh my bads, and will only cause me to appreciate wine and fast food even more.

Tags: recession sacrifices

This is one of several reader responses we've published responding to the question "What have you given up in the recession?" Read more reader responses and Emily Bazelon's related story on recession concessions. Next question: What haven't you given up, despite the recession? Send answers to us at doublex.recession@gmail.com.

I left my financial services job to go back to school, just before the shit hit the proverbial fan. I took student loans, incurred credit card debt and raided my retirement fund to pay for a degree that is now virtually useless. I'm working part-time at an after school program for teenagers, making $12 an hour. I couldn't get a job in my old industry even if I wanted to, which I most certainly do not.

What did I give up that mattered most? I gave up the illusion of security. I gave up feeling that I knew what the future held. I gave up the sense that I knew what the hell I was doing. Those things USED to matter most to me. I traded those things for a renewed ability to lean into each day and accept that I will probably be able to handle whatever surprises lie in store. I just turned 50 and I have never been happier in my life.

Tags: future plans, recession, recession sacrifices, security

This is one of several reader responses we've published responding to the question "What have you given up in the recession?" Read more reader responses and Emily Bazelon's related story on recession concessions. Next question: What haven't you given up, despite the recession? Send answers to us at doublex.recession@gmail.com.

First I gave up cable TV, internet and a fancy apartment in an upscale neighborhood, then just before Christmas I gave up weekends and I haven’t had one since. When they cut overtime at my current job, I took a second job in order to keep my head above water. I work 40-43 hours a week at my day job and an additional 25-30 hours at my second workplace. I have only had two actual days off since Christmas Day. Needless to say my social life is essentially non-existent, if and when I do go out it is usually with a few people from my retail job. I miss sleeping in on Saturdays and not having to have every second scheduled, but if it means I can get through this recession without moving back in with my parents or losing my car, then I suppose I can handle it. I have lost several friends because of my lack of availability and I don’t always think they understand that if I didn’t have to work two jobs I most certainly wouldn’t, but I have met some great new people at the bookstore where I work. In addition I am lucky because I happen to really enjoy my second job and worse comes to worst I always have one job if I were to lose the other. In the future when things (hopefully) improve, I know I will never take my weekends for granted again!!

Tags: economy, jobs, recession, recession sacrifices, social life

This is one of several reader responses we've published responding to the question "What have you given up in the recession?" Read more reader responses and Emily Bazelon's related story on recession concessions. Next question: What haven't you given up, despite the recession? Send answers to us at doublex.recession@gmail.com.

I do understand the complications and devastations that many people are going through right now, although it has not affected my family or me...yet. But I do have a positive note to report! I'm a university student, and it seems that my generation is increasingly more concerned about protecting the environment than those who are possibly being affected most, the middle-aged working class age.

I think that the benefit of the recession may be that it is forcing people to cut back on frivolous things, on things that are bad for them and the environment. I have heard stories of families saving money by selling their vehicles and opting for public transit...where I live, plastic grocery bags now cost 5 cents extra, which makes bringing a reusable bag more of a money saving motivation. I don't wish to downplay the hard times that people are going through, but I do want to stress that a change in what people are used to doing might be a good thing for a lot of people, and force them to look at how they're living, and if there are new cost-efficient (and probably greener) ways!

Tags: environmental concerns, green, recession, recession sacrifices