John Edwards

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The former North Carolina Senator gets points for the “most poorly conducted affair ever” when he cheated on his “smart as shit, truth-seeking missile of a wife” Elizabeth (who, “P.S., is also dying”). He also “lied during a presidential campaign” and is “not as good-looking as he thinks he is.” Edwards’ sleaze level is heightened when one considers that he “fathered a child” with ex-mistress Rielle Hunter and likes the Dave Matthews Band even though he is “not a 10th grader and it is not 2001.”