10. The mom still does most of the heavy lifting with raising the kids.

9. Men you thought were “happily married” start asking to be your Facebook friends

8. Everyone wants to know how the money is divided and how much support you’re getting, even if they don’t ask directly.

7. It’s a good way to lose weight.

6. A major haircut seems to take place, even when you didn’t have any conscious desire to get one.

5. Country music suddenly seems appropriate programming in the car.

4. One begins to wonder if Kegels should be put back in the fitness regimen.

3. Building a social life requires infinite inspiration and meticulous planning because there’s no one around to “just hang” with.

2. There’s plenty of closet space, finally, and finally…

1. There is the delightful prospect of “new” sex!

Photograph of Vicki Iovine by Alison Reynolds.

Tags: closets, divorce, Facebook, hair cut, Kegels, kids, sex, top-ten

It was a week. A significant week. On Wednesday I signed the papers that gave me license to start anew. The signing was the final step across the rather large minefield I had created by choosing to dismantle the life I had known for 15 years and got the green light to begin rebuilding. So ... making a back porch dinner for a random list of good, infinitely loyal friends seemed like the least I could do. On Thursday I sent out e-mails for an impromptu celebration supper.

It’s summer. This is the first summer in over 20 years that I will not have to be at the front of a restaurant. I want to relish it. I just want to return to the familiar rhythm of the home kitchen and cook all summer long. My son is almost 12; his father has left now for six months, funny how things work out. So this will be the summer of friendship, food ... footloose and fancy free to explore the regions of myself that I haven’t been able to and, write a new recipe for my future. Adding on new layers as one adds ingredients making up a recipe.

What started out as a small celebration, by 4 p.m. on Saturday had turned to dinner for 28. I had overslept and didn’t get to shop till noon, which turned out to be a good thing, because my brother’s family added on in the morn with the caveat that their house guest, Spencer, was making ribs, and now he had to make ribs for all. So the ribs became the center of the menu design, which in itself was a good thing, because I was in serious waffle territory. Budget was wreaking havoc with what I really wanted to do: whole poached fish, lamb ... wasn’t happening for the now 28. So the ribs became my direction. Not my decision, but seemed fitting, because in this supposed new life I was directing my self to take new roads that presented opportunities, and one less dish was an opportunity. But then again, I didn’t want a typical barbecue, so the layering of the menu began.

A month ago I had catered a party, mostly vegetarian, and put out an oversized platter of roasted vegetables. It was pleasing, and I decided to repeat that. There is a soothing rhythm and simplicity to washing, cutting, tossing in olive oil and coarse salt and roasting the vegetables, using every vehicle possible, timing the more delicate like pea pods with the heartier carrots making their appearance out of the 450 degree oven last, all timed by sight, touch and a good instinct. Then taking the vegetables, their color magnified and deep and arranging them on the platter, hands moving back and forth, back and forth, color against white, a mandala. It all seemed metaphorically correct.

Last week I had eaten a salad that looked like shredded zucchini, it wasn’t. It was shredded broccoli stems. How financially prudent, since I had the stems of the broccoli sitting there, the florets glistening with olive oil and coarse salt through the oven window. It didn’t seem enough. And I wanted cucumber: cool and crunchy. So a salad was born, lazy cook that I am all in the food processor. Shredding blade for the broccoli, slicing disk for the cucumber, and then a handful of dill, the juice of two lemons, and a lovely container of fromage ... and because I wanted rich, another container of crème fraiche, salt and pepper, the ends of a couple of cucumbers thrown in and a dressing was spun.

The fish I had dearly wanted became roast chicken with lemon, dill and garlic ... and butter. Once again I threw everything in the processor (a couple of the rinds and all). And once again taking comfort in the familiar the rhythm, softly slathering the mix over the large roasting pan of chicken. Decking the roasting pan with the remaining lemon rinds, sliced and appealing: a sense of accomplishment. Into the oven at 450 for 20, then turned down to 375 till the tops are golden and bubbly, occasionally basting to keep the tops moist. The definition of simplicity with minimal, yet necessary care.

The chicken needed a partner. Wild rice. I had perfect apricots. I found roast almonds and a salad was born. The price on the wild rice for 30 was prohibitive, so I compromised and purchased a nutty blend. There was no recipe, except a splash of good olive oil, a bit of salt and pepper, and at the very end a squeeze of orange and two shakes of sherry vinegar. I tossed the sliced apricots, and slivered almonds with the rice and the spice, all while still warm, and over the course of cooling the flavors melded into one. I tasted it, and thought that this is how I would like my life to be, crunchy, sweet, salty, and unlikely all coming together to create a textured and completely compatible existence.

As the numbers grew so did the need for more food, more choices. I got some sausage, hot and sweet to grill. Nothing more to do than prick the skins, par boil and stick on the grill, which my brother had offered to do. Grilled sausages say summer and summer brings smiles.

I still needed more. Tomatoes. Mozzarella. But I am a lazy cook, so I bought the tiny perline mozzarella and small grape tomatoes. No effort, so simple, was cut the basil from the garden, toss it all with olive oil and coarse sea salt ... and the sausages have a partner. And as I look down at the platters complimenting one another, side-by-side, I think this is the way relationships should be, simple. Will I learn?

The buffet was set out; it was bountiful and colorful, as I want my new life to be.

When I looked at the group seated on the back porch, plates on laps, lively conversation, smiles and laughter, I realized each couple and each person represented a different part of the equation. The happy group included friends who have known me my whole life, and some who have known me less than a year. I had brought together a group who really didn’t know each other yet; it was if they were all old friends. The ingredients melded and the flavors balanced and the buzz was there. This is the way to start new. And even those who couldn’t be there were part of it, and they will be on the back porch next time with the corn bread pudding made from the left over corn bread in the freezer, with fresh raspberries and cream. Because each recipe inspires the next. Because that’s the way life is. One step encourages another and each day there is a reason to cook.

Photograph of Alison Price Becker courtesy of the author.

Tags: chicken, dinner party, food, friendship, new beginnings, sausages, summer, tomato

This is part one of Bridget's wedding countdown.

I am getting married on Sept. 6, 2009. I could give you the exact number of days left before we take the plunge because our online registry is counting down, ostensibly so I can remind family and friends they only have 69 (68, 67, 66) days left to buy us plates. Dan and I met in college; we've dated for more than six years and lived together for one. He proposed at the Griffith Park Observatory (not because we're huge Sal Mineo fans, although I do admire his work) in February of this year. Before the ring had even warmed to my finger, we decided we wanted to get married before the holidays, and September sounded good. It would still be gloriously warm in Southern California, a special treat for all of our Chicago and New York residing friends. We are openly attempting to lure people to California. We think everyone we like should move here. It's going well: We've successfully recruited two people.

So when we decided on September, that meant a six month engagement, which is pretty quick by today's standards. Several people have asked if I'm pregnant, which is not only incredibly gauche but also illogical; six months is the exact WRONG amount of time to be engaged if one is hiding a pre-nupitial pregnancy. Also, why would you plan something like a wedding if you couldn't drink while doing it?

The wedding planning commenced in earnest the day after we became engaged. My fiance and I sat down with my parents, who are generously hosting the joyous event, and decided that we will have a "backyard" wedding on my grandparents' roof deck on the bayfront of an island in Newport Beach, Calif. There will be a family style dinner, and then dancing. What can I say? We are a decisive family. Outsourcing the planning wasn't an option, so my mother and I rolled up our hostess sleeves and got to work. Naturally, I did what I always do when I'm about to start a project (breaking down a butternut squash, using a wide barreled curling iron) and went to the Internet.

I Googled our favorite restaurant in the neighborhood (Sage on the Coast) and e-mailed to see if they catered. They responded right away! They catered! I'd been engaged 29 hours, and I was already making headway. Then ... I fell down the rabbit hole. I have always been a fan of Grace Bonney's blog Design*Sponge. I knew she was getting married, so I started poking around there, and that's where I found guest blogger Vane of Brooklyn Bride Online. From there ... all hell broke loose. Through Brooklyn Bride I found Style Me Pretty, or maybe it was Snippet and Ink, and from there I landed on Ten Thousand Only, and from there I found A Practical Wedding, which is still my favorite. APW is a big fan of East Side Bride, so off I went, and from there I stumbled upon A Cup of Jo, which is written by a Glamour contributor, and sometimes all she does is link to her Glamour site, which I totally understand but don't love. At that point I discovered Wedding Bee, which was recently purchased by eHarmony, which caused many members who are or are supportive of gay/depressed/non-religious people to stop using it or at least become less interested in it. It's all kind of a blur.

Once I found these sites, my planning wasn't just about finding a band (MoTown or American Standards) but about finding a color palette and a theme! I thought having enough seating was a priority, but now I realized that if I had the appropriately charming details, I could distract guests from a lack of seats! These blogs presented so many things I'd never considered: Polaroid guest books, DIY photo booths, and pressing your friends into service—all of these women seem to have cousins or friends who are fabulous amateur photographers/seamstresses/pastry chefs/blue grass musicians and they were shooting/playing/cooking the weddings! Other than my friend Vanessa, a very talented graphic designer, all my friends are lawyers or actors or agents whose hobbies do not include anything crafty. (Vanessa did not escape; she generously did our invitations.)

At first I was staggered by how many of these websites exist. I'm used to it now, but I should make a few distinctions: Some "bridal blogs" are personal, sort of bridal LiveJournals full of checklists and anecdotes about finding a photographer. Ten Thousand Only, The Broke Ass Bride, and A Practical Wedding are all bridal blogs. But others are "inspirational" wedding sites, full of cataloged images, projects, and links to vendors. If you can think of a style of wedding, I can recommend a blog for you to peruse.

These sites get very specific. If you are planning a whimsical, themed wedding, may I suggest you check out OnceWed.com? It features lots of DIY projects, brides that are often tattooed, and grooms in slim-cut suits, in addition to a great selection of used wedding dreses. If you are going for a more classic look, or enjoy the wedding styling of celebrity planner Mindy Rice, you'll love Style Me Pretty. You might be familiar with Ms. Rice if you read InStyle magazine; she plans many events for people who appear in its pages.

The bridal blogs also provide an amazing anthropological service. One can follow micro-trends as they whip across the country in weddings from coast to coast. For example, the fake mustache. Fake mustaches had a cultural moment a couple of years ago, but they are still going strong in the wedding world. Lots of brides and grooms holding up mustaches on sticks.

It might sound overwhelming, but it was a great place to start. I realized anything was possible wedding-wise. I had seem Pom Poms on MarthaStewartWeddings.com, and here they were, in action, on numerous sites. Instead of feeling like they were over-done, an unfortunate side effect of reading all of the blogs, I was heartened. Heck, you only have one wedding (hopefully); it's not like everyone else is checking these blogs noting the use of Pom Poms. I've also read some good advice. Meg of A Practical Wedding discusses various ways to acknowledge that not everyone, in California, can be married. The bridal blogs aren't just about the surface details. In my reading I've found that the sites strive to emphasize that marriage is the most important part of the wedding. Marriage and a really great cake topper.

Read the next installment in Bridget's wedding countdown here.

Photographs of Bridget and Dan by Christine Farah.

Tags: Brooklyn Bride, california, Chicago, countdown to a wedding, engagement, fiance, Griffith Park Observatory, New York, Newport Beach, Sage on the Coast, Sal Mineo, wedding registry, wedding gifts, wedding-blogs

Anyone whose annual rhythm is more in sync with the school rather than the calendar year knows that summer is the season of transition. So this is the perfect time to launch Your Comeback.

Remember how you’d leave one class or grade behind in May, June, or July and laze around in a sunny state of limbo before moving to the next level in the fall? Maybe that’s what you’re doing right now.

Or maybe you now have your own kids and are experiencing the next generation’s state of limbo slightly differently. You might be cobbling together a million different activities, none of which seem to start or end at a convenient time of day. You’re probably clocking hundreds of miles ferrying small people around from sports to play-dates and home again. You could be incredibly busy, pretty hot, and occasionally longing for September when everyone can move on.

That’s the thing about transition—it tends not to feel real. It can be a disconcerting place to live. There’s no going back, but who knows what’s next?

If any of this strikes a chord, then welcome to Your Comeback, the page for women whose lives are on the move. This July, I’d like to think of the section as a kind of back porch blog. It’s a place to come, cool off, relax, and feel at home while you deal with the changes in your schedule or your life. We’ll share stories and tips, recipes and resources. We’ll post by writing, sending in pictures and slides and uploading audio and video content.

Whether you’re leaving home, moving back in, getting married or divorced, having a baby, becoming an empty-nester, starting work, being laid off, or creating your own business, you are welcome. You’re welcome to come and read, listen or watch, but you’re also welcome to contribute. And we would love you to. You can post or you can send your contributions to me (emma@thecomebackbook.com).

A successful comeback is about connecting or re-connecting as you move forward. The summer is a great time for us to start. If your car is constantly tuned to Radio Disney (as mine is this year), you’ll be able to join me as I sing: "We’re all in this together!"

Photograph of Emma Gilbey Keller courtesy of the author.

Tags: camps, career, children, food, jobs, life changes, marriage, recipes, summer, tips, wedding