I was recently asked to be a bridesmaid for the third time. Although I was thrilled to accept, many friends and relatives received my news with a pained look. They asked about the dress in concerned tones; they offered sympathy for the costs I may incur; they expressed annoyance on my behalf. None dared utter what perhaps they were all thinking: “Always a bridesmaid; never a bride.” It’s a lament, not a cheer. The role of bridesmaid is commonly understood as pitiable and tragic, a highlighting of one’s not-bride status. In film, bridesmaids are resentful (Rachel Getting Married), desperate (Wedding Crashers), fat (Made of Honor), pathetic (27 Dresses), and even sociopathic (as in France’s 2006 The Bridesmaid).

No such tropes follow groomsmen down the aisle. They get to revel in debaucherous bachelor parties and possibly score with some loose cousin (see every wedding movie ever made). But other than the obviously outmoded ideas about every girl dreaming of her own perfect wedding, why do we assume that bridesmaids have it so bad? My two tours of duty were both filled with joy and merriment. I’m looking forward to another round.

It’s time to reclaim the bridesmaid title (also, maybe update it: bridesadvisor, anyone?). I truly LIKE being a bridesmaid. And here are five reasons why:

1. Free Stuff

Sure, you have to pay for travel expenses and a dress and a gift, but so do all of the other guests. Bachelorette parties can be pricey, but again, they do not weigh solely upon bridesmaids. On the upside, as a MOWP (member of the wedding party), one is often treated to a complimentary hotel room, grooming perks like free manicures or hair styling, and even gifts. My mom still wears the watch given to her by a bride (her college roommate) decades ago. One friend got an iPod from her bride—not too shabby.

2. VIP Status

Here’s the thing about the dresses: They make one recognizably important to everyone at the wedding. Bartenders will make yours strong, caterers will grant you favors, women will pay you compliments, and men will flirt with you. Guests have an easy conversation starter when approaching you, but you also have an easy conversation ender when things get awkward: “I have to go help the bride!” Weddings can be big and intimidating events, but when you are a MOWP, you may glide through your surroundings with ease.

3. Bonding with Fellow Bridesmaids

Beyond the traditional commiserating over brutish photographers, passive-aggressive party planners, and smarmy uncles, bridesmaids get to participate in lots of female bonding. Last summer, I shared my duties with three of my closest high school friends. The four of us live in different cities, and opportunities for reunions are scarce. Spending three days in the English countryside together was a gift, and not just because we got to catch up, but because we got to create new experiences together. There were foibles and follies, and we’re still sending each other e-mails with references to the wedding one year later.

Alternately, this summer’s turn involved one old friend and several old acquaintances. The bride and I were college roommates, and I’d known her other friends for years, but the wedding and bachelorette party brought us much closer. We shared memories of the bride, we rode a mechanical bull, we argued over cocktail recipes, we assessed the groomsmen, we conspired in gift-giving, and we danced, danced, danced. One of them lives in New York, and we’ve spent time together post-wedding. The cementing of both new and old friendships is an undeniable plus to MOWP-ship.

4. Bonding with the Bride

Have you ever accompanied your friend into a bathroom stall and helped to lift her dress? Have you manhandled her boobs into ideal position? Have you been responsible for insuring that she literally eats and drinks something? Have you shouted at other people to leave her alone? Have you stood by family quarrels and helped remind her that it’s a happy occasion? Bridesmaids do all that and more. Being a good one is a testament to your love, which is why ...

5. It’s Truly an Honor

It’s not often one gets official plaudits for successful friendship. Success in school is met with good grades and awards; success at work often leads to promotions and raises; romantic successes may result in marriages and vows; and parenting successes are once again measured with all of the above, only by proxy. But do we have any official measures of a successful friendship? Maybe if your friend publishes a book or wins an Oscar, you will merit a public thank you. Unfortunately, not all of us are blessed with talented friends. Thus, the invitation to be a bridesmaid is a rare thing. It demonstrates a platonic bond, a sisterhood, and a wish to include another in one’s happiness. It’s flattering. For this reason, more than the others, I’m hoping I work my way up to 27 dresses (but please, no ruffles).

Photograph of Liz Stevenson by Holland Photo Arts.

Tags: bachelor, bridesmaid, wedding dress, weddings

This is part three of Bridget's wedding countdown. Read parts one, and two.

In November of last year my boyfriend Dan and I celebrated six years of dating each other exclusively. We went to Palm Desert. By the time we arrived at our condominium the pool area was closed but we made ourselves double Moscow Mules and crept into the Jacuzzi. We had barely turned on the jets when a security guard arrived and politely ordered us out. We went back to the condo and, in our swimsuits smelling of chlorine, we gamely toasted six "fast and easy" years together. Dan's words. That weekend I kept thinking, "I want to spend my life with Dan." " I would like to be with Dan forever." "I would like to marry Dan."

"Ok," you might be thinking, "why not just go on drinking Moscow Mules in air-conditioned rooms with each other forever?" "Why not just be together?" "Why get married?".

Sandra Tsing Loh just had a piece in The Atlantic titled, "Let's Call the Whole Thing Off" about the end of her own marriage. She suggests marriage seems to serve only children. But what if you don't want children? Or what is you don't know if you want children? Why would you enter into an institution that fails half the time? I can only answer for myself: why not?

I'm the type of woman who likes formality. Show me a ceremony and I'll show you a willing participant. I pledged a sorority at Northwestern and loved every minute of it. When the older girls told us that sometimes new members fainted during the initiation ceremony, my interest doubled—a ceremony where people might pass out is a ceremony indeed! Not that I'm encouraging anyone to collapse at our wedding; I'd like to discourage that. I'm saying I like the of idea of making a formal commitment. And so does my partner.

We knew we were committed to each other. We knew we would spend the rest of our lives together. Whenever people asked if we were planning on spending the rest of our lives together, we said, "Why yes, yes, we are." And we could have gone on happily like that—knowing that we would be together forever. But we wanted to say "YES! WE ARE SPENDING OUR LIVES TOGETHER!" We wanted to say that to all our friends and family while I was wearing a white dress (with pockets). And supplementing our desire to make it "official" were the practical reasons of health insurance and taxes and the rights granted to married couples. So unromantic, right? Well, so is paying $400 a month for COBRA.

Ms. Tsing Loh cites a study saying humans are best suited to four-year stretches of monogamy. That's what college is for. The four-year itch might be real, but it doesn't work for me. I don't want to spend four years with anyone else. I want a life partner, not a "part of my life" partner. Even if that is biologically illogical, even if it's outdated or defies the odds, that's what I want, and while I'm placing orders I'd also like a house with a view of the Silver Lake Reservoir and perfect health for everyone I know and love. I want to sign optimistically on the dotted line to be a helpmate/have a helpmate.

Again, this is just me. If you want to be life partners and skip the wedding and the signing and the official helpmating, more power to you. There's certainly a lot of evidence to support you.

I just take the half-full perspective on marriage. I could credit my parents' forty-two years of being married, or Dan's parents' 30-something years of being married. I could cite social pressure (see above mention of sororities), or my deep love of Preston Sturges' movies. But I think this is just a personal choice. I'm a pessimist about plenty of things, but marriage just isn't one of them.

It seems absurd to say that my entire view of a lifetime committment boils down to "why not?" But...why not?

Read the next installment in Bridget's wedding countdown here.

Photograph courtesy of the author.

Tags: countdown to a wedding, engagement, marriage, Moscow Mules, Palm Desert, sandra tsing loh, the atlantic, weddings