When Father's Day is Mother's Day

When word broke that Barack Obama is pausing his busy schedule of revamping health care and heeding climate science and not intervening in the electoral process of a sovereign nation in order to spend three hours preaching "responsible fatherhood"—why, I nearly did a jig. The celebrity-stuffed event in the East Room sheds light on a little-reported obsession of the president whose own father abandoned him when he was barely 2 years old.

And, if the White House release is any evidence, this will be no From Gs to Gents tomfoolery; rather, Obama will make a substantive policy speech and then take questions from regular Joes just trying to parent in an age of Twilight, sexting, and a global recession.

No doubt the address will hit on the troubling statistics for fatherless households and the need for dads to behave—but what I would really hope to see is acknowledgement of all the women in these households doing double duty, who also should get a special tip of the cap on Father's Day.

Obama, who was of course raised by a single, working mother, hasn't invited any women to the East Room chat, but seemed to get the importance of shouting-out in his speech in Chicago last Father's Day:

We need fathers to realize that responsibility does not end at conception. We need them to realize that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child—it's the courage to raise one. We need to help all the mothers out there who are raising these kids by themselves; the mothers who drop them off at school, go to work, pick up them up in the afternoon, work another shift, get dinner, make lunches, pay the bills, fix the house, and all the other things it takes both parents to do. So many of these women are doing a heroic job, but they need support. They need another parent. Their children need another parent. That's what keeps their foundation strong. It's what keeps the foundation of our country strong.

I was fortunate enough to be raised in a two-parent household (woo Dad); but it's always worth remembering that there are women fathers, too! Is there an appropriate way to honor them this weekend?

Comments

Mudders Day & Fadders Day

By: David in Lafayette | Mon, 06/22/2009 - 07:16

We are not alike. I am a Father not a Mother and that's the way it was and that's the way it will always be. Therein,I fear, is the crux of one of our society's major, 800 lb gorrilla problems.

My daughter just threw her husband out of the house. She called me, and says " I need my Dad". My response: "do you want your Dad or a friend right now, because what I am about to say to you can come only as from a father - not your buddy."

She didn't want to discuss the matter and neither did I. Marriage counseling isn't part of my job description.

Watch TV sometime. Watch the commercials and you will find that couples almost always depict men as bumbling idiots and women as solid, rational in-charge creatures. That's not only absurd but insulting. As a husband and father I have my role and skills which I contribute and so does my wife. I have my role, she has her's.

A Father can raise a child alone but he's just a single father. A man can't mother his children and a mom shouldn't try and be a fther to her children. Women today screw up a lot of kids because they try to be both. Agreed - many of us are lousy husbands and dads and just walk away. Men can modle only after a male, not a woman. Many women destroy relationships and families because they insist upon wearing the BVDs and sitting at the head of the table. My wife is definatly my equel, but that's my chair. Therein lies my daughter's problem and she learned that from her mother ,my ex-wife who insisted in being like her father in our marriage. I refused to play that little game and finally got a lawyer and an apartment across town. She's had 3 husbands since me. She was a terrible excuse for a mother and my daughter never did emotionally connect with her. No, I wasn't the perfect father either. Few 18 year olds are great dads.

The law should require training and a license before having children.

So how about let's get back to a little more traditional sense of family. You guys get your day, and we get ours. And don't send me any flowers for Father's Day either.

Dad daze

By: boredwell | Fri, 06/19/2009 - 18:47

I'm a father who is also a mother. And I'm committed to be the best that I can be. I was raised by a mother who was also a father. She taught me everything I know, value and honor. And I pass this on to my kids.

The role of the stereotypical dad, the hands-off parent whose content to bring home the bread, hide behind the evening newspaper and spend weekends playing golf should be no longer be given currency. The president's policy speech should acknowledge this fact rather than focus too much on the negatives: the dead-beat, absent, less-than-involved dad.

All the speeches, social studies and demographics enjoined to make the point that dads are generally irresponsible elides the fact that there are just as many dads working in a caring cooperative partnerships to raise their kids.

Parenting is often a "fly by the seat of your pants, learn as you go" proposition. The ability to understand, listen, nurture and guide are quintessential attributes to natural parenting. That includes moms and dads who have dual roles in their kids lives. I hope the president includes these people in his F-day speech.