More Kids = More Happiness?
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Last month, there was a lively back-and-forth over why exactly we women are so darn unhappy (or so says the research) and what role children play in the mix. Sharon Lerner argued that part of women’s depression can be blamed on the way our society treats mothers, singling out America as a “glaring exception in the developed world and beyond in having no mandatory paid maternity leave, no nationwide childcare system,- [and] few flexible work options.” But Kerry Howley shot back that we can’t make it all about the burdens of motherhood, since not all women are mothers, and emphasized a study that found that children make no difference at all—that both women without children and mothers are similarly happy or unhappy.
Well, fire up your engines, ladies, because now there’s a new bit of research supporting a third conclusion: that being married with children is the key to happiness. In contrast to previous research that indicates an inverse relationship between satisfaction and number of children, this particular study, which tracked 10,000 British households over 15 years, found that the more kids you have, the happier you are. I think that would come as news to those parents who’ve decided to raise a singleton because they also want to have a life of their own.
It’s hard to believe that it doesn’t get exponentially more difficult to maintain a social life with your spouse or carve out “me time” with each additional pregnancy. Recently, one of my closest friends sent me an e-mail kvetching about a typical week taking care of her three kids, which will sound familiar to any of us with multiple young ones underfoot:
Drive 12 carpools.
Pack eight lunches (lucky her, I thought; at our house, we pack 13).
Nurse the baby seven to eight times a day, seven days a week.
Change a million diapers.
Cook a healthy dinner five times a week, and mac and cheese once or twice (while holding a baby in one arm and putting on hair bows and Superman capes with the other).
Even more recently, this same friend complained that she had no energy to lust after her husband. How could she? But an even better question is this: How could having more kids improve the situation?
There’s got to be some Malcolm Gladwellesque tipping point, some reasonable maximum number of kids—maybe four, I’m guessing as a mother of three, and that’s pushing it—at which the happiness stops and the stress takes over. Unfortunately, the study, published in the Journal of Happiness Studies, doesn’t shed much light on that; it lumps together anyone with four or more kids, since there were relatively few families in that multi-offspring group.
It turns out that I should be downright beatific as mom to my trio: Although folks with four or more kids have what the happiness researcher, Luis Angeles from the University of Glasgow, called “an important positive happiness effect” in an e-mail to me, the largest “happiness effect” is attributed to people with three children.
Angeles discounts research that has found child-rearing is lots of work and little reward. Unlike previous studies, he has factored in the role of individual characteristics—including marital status, gender, age, income and education—and found that most parents rate kids as the most important or nearly the most important things in their lives. Those who view children negatively are people who are separated, living together but unmarried, or veteran singles who never married.
So, in essence, his research isn’t an ode to kids as much as a shout-out to marriage. Raise a crop of kids alone and they can feel like a burden; do it in tandem and it’s a shared legacy.
Comments
It it possible
By: Mantion | Mon, 02/01/2010 - 23:22
That women who have more sex, are happier,
or
Women who are happier have more sex
or
women who are attractive have more sex and attractive women are happier
Regardless, I would like to see a study that asks women with and with out kids how often they have sex.
I imagine there there will be a direct proportion between happiness and frequency of sex.
I could be completely wrong.
Oh yah, don't women normally lie about everything, why do we believe they will be honest in surveys?
lol
Does anyone actually read other peoples comments or do we just post because we thing were so smart?
Feminism = unhappiness central
By: ashg451 | Thu, 11/12/2009 - 19:36
On its surface, the modern Feminist movement purports to protect the rights of women from male oppression, often associating itself with the civil rights movement of African- Americans. But this faulty rationale fails to recognize the difference between unjust oppression and healthy restriction; limiting a gender’s job responsibilities based on natural capacity is not the same as limiting a racial group’s opportunities based on appearance.
As a result, women find themselves living in a general state of fear—emotionally unsatisfied, lacking personal security and direction. Their relationships are characterized by bitter power struggles over leadership and resentful negotiations of gender roles. Not surprisingly, these unstable unions often fail, contributing to the epidemic divorce rate and mounting social isolation felt in America.
If men want to stand up and do something about it, there is a free ebook online detailing exactly what they can do in their lives to address the dangerous hypocrisy of Feminism which threatens to eat away at their civil rights, one double standard at a time:
http://www.scribd.com/doc/21733512/Principles-101
Hppiness related to number of children
By: Alex001 | Mon, 11/09/2009 - 16:45
Happiness is not related to the children. In my opinion more children will be a cause of happiness only for rich persons.As for poor people,if they have less children than i think they will be much happier.
Striped Bass Fishing Tackle
... or rather: happy women have more kids!
By: caracol | Mon, 11/09/2009 - 14:00
As in may other statistical studies, correlation between two factors is interpreted as causation, in the direction that suits the researcher.
It is quite evident that women with positive attitudes and outlooks on life, less stress, better living conditions (I am speaking of our developed world where pregnancies are mostly chosen), supportive and caring husbands, will choose to have more children!
Dah!
Ludicrous
By: Katie27again | Mon, 11/09/2009 - 13:55
I think the far more interesting conclusions to be drawn here are about the general state of contemporary western civilization. I mean, come on. In the right corner, couples with 1 or 2 children! In the left corner, couples with 3 or more children! Let's see which group is "happier!" Brilliant. Nevermind the fact that the "results" tell us absolutely nothing meaningful whatsoever. Even if we could design a conclusive study to answe this question, why on earth would we? I suspect all this navel-gazing crap is making everyone unhappy, whether you have 0 children or 12.
Helaine, I think you hit the
By: men7d | Mon, 11/09/2009 - 12:37
Helaine, I think you hit the nail on the head. I had my first son at the age of 30 and was the first of my friends to have kids-- I'd been to college and law school, traveled, established a career and developed my interests, etc. I spent the whole first year of my son's life "fighting" motherhood, so to speak-- I couldn't let go of who I had been prior to my son's birth and I couldn't stop comparing my life to those of the carefree singles in my peer group who were still taking extended vacations and going to concerts and events and such. It sounds pretty obnoxious, I know, but there it is.
But at some point I "surrendered" to my new identity as a parent, and it was a revelation. It was like I had finally accepted that I'm in a new, different phase in my life and that I have to own it. I will doubtlessly focus on my career again and I'll definitely get to indulge my own interests again, but I'll never have babies and toddlers again. Once I made that mental shift I was suddenly happy, and I feel like my happiness is deeper now than it was in my 20s. I suspect that I'll only get more comfortable in "mom mode" when I have my second son this February.
Kids and Happiness
By: sugar_k | Mon, 11/09/2009 - 10:49
Having the time and money to raise multiple children, especially in the UK = happiness. They might be able to control for household income, but the ability to have one parent stay home is a huge luxury that is less clearly reflected in the stats.
That, and I second what Punditus Maximus said.
Why Even Study This?
By: RealConservative | Mon, 11/09/2009 - 10:27
This one size fits all "research" is missing the point. The modern women's movement was about giving women choices. They should first "find themselves" and properly prepare themselves for the rest of their life. Then make whatever decision makes them happiest.
Unfortunately, an increasingly larger proportion of very young women are choosing to have children outside of marriage, for reasons that are not well considered. Whether its to circumvent the need to work, to "find" love (either from caring for an infant or by attracting an otherwise unavailable male - who seldom stays for long) or to get the "best" genes for their offspring, before they are no longer easily available - such a decision is not conducive to their long term happiness.
A concerted effort is needed to reduce the incidence of this. Its not just education but we MUST remove the perverse financial incentives for these dysfunctional decisions. It seems too easy for women to get completely emotional when a young women finds herself in this predicament. They are all for hammering the male involved while there is nothing done to encourage alternate options such as adoption.
The horrendous results occur later with child abandonment and abuse long after the possibility of a successful adoption has passed.
This one is easy
By: tonydavisnelson | Mon, 11/09/2009 - 09:24
People who eventually have two or more children are a happier population long before they have kids. In my experience, the motivation for most people who don't want kids is selfishness--don't want to give up their time, nice things, vacations, etc--and I've never seen a happy selfish person.
Happiness vs. "Happiness"
By: aribeng | Mon, 11/09/2009 - 08:55
I think the problem here is that nobody is really defining the term "happy." As someone who enjoys the theatre, good restaurants, sports, books, and a fair amount of free time, I'd be very happy, according to one definition of the word, without kids, or with fewer. However, at the moment, I'm in a sleep-deprived haze with a a newborn at home - our fourth - trying to keep it together as I work two jobs to pay tuition for a private religious school, an underwater mortgage, no time to read a magazine, let alone a real book. And last night, for example, not even getting to watch some football as the TV was hijacked by pirates who only wanted to watch Thomas the Tank Engine and Angelina Ballerina.
Nevertheless, my "happiness" is off the charts. (And this is not some sort of coping mechanism/rationalization). I'm truly "happy" - but not 'la la' happy. It's a deep spiritual (or existential/psychological) contentment that I enjoy. Watching my one-year old girl just start to walk and give her blankie to the baby when he cries is better than a Godfather marathon. Listening to my six year old make sense of the world is more interesting than any TV show I've ever seen (and I've seen them all. Still DVR almost everything). Watching my kids play in the ocean - knowing that they're healthy and happy - is a far deeper feeling than "happy." This despite 24 hours a day of mayhem - diaper changes, emotional breakdowns, bickering, feeding a baby, etc, etc. So I think many of us are talking past each other because we keep using the word "happy" without defining its terms. Maybe there should be an "existential contentment category" and a separate, more prosaic happiness category. Because we're talking two totally different things, in my opinion...