XX Factor: the blog

Keep Mothers Out of Father's Day

Dayo, I disagree that mothers—even single mothers—should be honored on Father’s Day. Moms just got their shout-out a month ago; do they really need another one? Yes, some women serve double duty as both mother and father, and surely their kids should give them extra love on Sunday. But if we systematically turn Father’s Day into yet another celebration of all of the child-rearing and housekeeping that female heads of household take care of, I worry that will inadvertently suggest that there isn’t enough child-rearing and housekeeping to celebrate among dads. To borrow a sentiment from an essay that hardly needs another link since it got so much damn attention the first time, perhaps the way to mold the man you want is to “reward behavior [you] like and ignore behavior [you] don't. After all, you don't get a sea lion to balance a ball on the end of its nose by nagging.” Father’s Day is a great chance to reward the men who do their share of bringing up baby. Let’s not ruin it by giving them their praise with a wink, then turning the conversation back to the “real” parents.

Anyway, mothers aren’t the only single parents out there doing double-duty. And no one’s suggesting we should do something special on mother’s day for widowers or custodial fathers who are raising their kids alone.

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Samantha Henig is the associate editor of Double X, and can be reached at samantha.henig@doublex.com.

Comments

Father's Day

By: Welshrogue1 | Sun, 06/21/2009 - 18:55

I am lucky, My brother and I have an excellent father. I am more my father's son, and my brother my mom's. The older I get the more I realize how smart and good my father is. I am 29 and my brother is 25, and we wouldn't trade our father for anything.

Mothers and not fathers, not ever. They can't fill the role. There was no threat like, "wait till your father gets home" to my generation. Fathers show us how to be men, and despite answers on this website, mothers cannot show that.

It pisses me off when Father's day is shown as a myriad of failures amongst men to raise their offspring. As a rule, American men are the best fathers in the world, no matter what feminist blogs may say.

Those men who do not care for their children are an embarrassment to American manhood, not an example of it.

We are the best fathers in the world. Where we have screwed up, let's make amends. Where we have done well, let's celebrate. My father told me today that he was a good father because he ,"had good material to work with." The truth is that he had a poor role model, and did everything really, really well.

I love my father, and I wouldn't give him up for anything.

Morgan Coghill

Men

By: wolftiger1968 | Sun, 06/21/2009 - 17:17

Father's Day should be kept Father's Day. A woman is the only one who can be a mom. A man is the only one who can be a dad. This day and age, the main attitude is that men are worthless pigs, simply because of a few loser males.

SOME, not ALL, feminists, would love it if men were outlawed, PERIOD. Blame the many for the sins of the few. Not ALL fathers are lowlife scumbags. Not ALL fathers beat thier wives or children.

There ARE, and always WILL BE some good fathers out there. Why should I be penalized when I"m a decent man, for the screwups of other men? Am I a child molester? Do I think of women as sex objects? No and no.

Were I to become a father, I KNOW I would be looked down upon because I don't make 40,000 dollars a year. I wouldn't be able to buy all the latest toys and clothes that my kids want. So, I would be looked upon as a bad father. Thing is, you don't know me. Otherwise you would know that I don't believe in being a single parent, or getting married just because I have a child. Or, having a child when I know I wouldn't be able to give them the kind of life they deserve.

People don't seem to think about that anymore. They just want to have kids for the attention it will bring them. And some get married for that reason also. Then, comes the divorce, the in-fighting and so on.

My idea of a family: a mother and father who are married because they actually LOVE one another, and refuse to take the easy way out when things get rough. My idea of a REAL father is one who doesn't cheat on his wife, who loves his children unconditionally, even when they screw up big time. That doesn't mean a father needs to let his children get away with everything. THAT kind of father is one of the worst kinds.

No, a REAL father leads by example. A REAL father is there for his wife and children, and is willing to make sacrfices for his family to keep them together. Please, don't get married and don't have children unless you have the balls to be there for them. Men, don't get married unless you know for a fact you won't cheat on your wife, and the same goes for the women.

Don't tell me a man can't say for certain that he won't cheat on his wife or girlfriend. It's something you just have to be willing to do for your wife or girlfriend. If you're uncertain about cheating, it's better you don't have a girlfriend or a wife.

Stop encouraging single parenting. Other than being a widower, it's wrong. A child deserves BOTH a mom and dad to BE there for them. In this country anyway, we're wimps. Oh, our marriage is on the rocks and there's no hope in resolving an argument about where Junior should go to school, or, my wife seems to be nagging the hell out of me, so, I want a divorce. That's SO wrong. Stop being wusses, married people, and actually WORK on your marriage to make it stronger. The ONLY reason someone should divorce is infidelity.

This makes me (oh no, I'm about to say something that 90 percent of this country's population isn't agreeable to) old fashioned. If I, a man, marries a woman who tells me she loves ME, then, what right does she have to sleep with someone else? I Wouldn't do that to her. Again, don't tell me I WOULD cheat, given the chance. Because, I wouldn't. I know myself well enough to know that I wouldn't cheat. You'd have to shoot me 100 times over before i would cheat.

A man who is a father that stays faithful to his wife is way too rare in the USA. A woman who does NOT ponder what it would be like to cheat on her husband is getting to be rare as well. "Oh, we all have thoughts of cheating". Speak for yourself, not me. I don't have those thoughts, and I don't believe the BS that "well, if other husbands or boyfriends cheat, don't say you won't cheat".

Thing is, I believe cheating is WRONG. I can sleep at night knowing that I choose not to cheat. You don't do my thinking, I do. A REAL father doesn't cheat. Father's Day is meant for those men who value thier wife and thier children. Father's Day is for Fathers, whether you're a widower, married, or otherwise. Father's Day is for dads who don't think only of themselves.

Give single parents their due whenever possible

By: becki82 | Fri, 06/19/2009 - 20:20

I think that single parents should be honored pretty much whenever anybody thinks of it, since it's not nearly often enough. If that's on Fathers' Day for single moms or Mothers' Day for single dads, so be it. Probably the only reason nobody is suggesting publicly that single dads be celebrated on Mothers' Day is that there are so many single moms out there compared to single dads. I don't think any of this suggests that moms are the real parents, while dads just get a "wink." Are there really dads out there who are getting less celebration because some single moms are also getting honored?

Father's Day for Fathers

By: ockeghem | Fri, 06/19/2009 - 19:41

I agree with Samantha. My dad's a widower, and he raised two girls by himself from late childhood through adolescence and adulthood. He did a great job, and I've always appreciated the sacrifices he made (yes, men too have to make career sacrifices if they're single parents; my father did). But we've never felt the need to celebrate him on Mother's Day. He's my father -- hence, we celebrate on Father's Day.

Also, not all fathers (or mothers) are absent because of divorce or desertion. In the case of a widow / widower, you might actually want to leave the other day open in honor of the deceased parent. Just because my mother wasn't around doesn't mean I didn't have a mother.

I'm all for fathers taking responsibility for their children. But celebrating mothers on Father's Day isn't going to bring it about.