XX Factor: the blog

Free-Range Parenting?

KJ, I too was thrilled to read that Time had declared an end to overparenting, because if Time just noticed, then the trend must be already well underway. But the story proved the opposite, with many earnest and unintentionally hilarious examples of supposedly mellow parents. If you truly wanted to stop overparenting you would just cancel the Suzuki lessons, call off the therapist, stop spying on the playground, and watch Sponge Bob, right? But this new class of parents praised by Time are joining a movement—slow parenting, simplicity parenting, free-range parenting, whatever you want to call it. And they are taking “slow family living classes” to learn how to back off. Better yet, they are backed by studies that prove that if you let kids play, they learn stuff, so yes, it’s OK to pack up the flash cards and just (deep breath here) play.

So in short, they are substituting one parenting orthodoxy for another, which is likely to create an equally insufferable household. No, honey, you can not play football now because we are a slow family, remember? No organized sports, no video games, and no music lessons of any kind. Got that?

This reminds me powerfully of the first time I took a yoga class. I could not grasp why these people had to go through all these machinations and movement just to relax, when they could have just sat on the couch and, you know, relaxed, the regular way.

Tags: free range parenting, helicopter parents slow family living, over parenting, Time overparenting

Hanna Rosin Double X co- editor, reporter, prefer my friends live.

Comments

There's not such thing as Free-range parenting

By: _Nancy_ | Tue, 11/24/2009 - 22:52

The whole point that Lenore Skenazy is making when she talks about free-range KIDS is that it's not about "parenting"(a word that should never have become a verb in the first place), its about giving children the space they need to be kids so that they can grow into adults. So yes, the "Free-range" parents have it wrong. Still given a choice between a smothering, controlling style of child rearing and one where kids get a little autonomy, I'll take the latter and hope parents can learn to get over themselves.

independence

By: drewsara | Tue, 11/24/2009 - 18:37

I can see how you would take that from the Time article as a whole. But I do think that the ideas espoused by Free Range Kids are (unfortunately) rather revolutionary these days. It's not so much about being a helicopter parent vs. another kind of parent. It's about acknowledging that kids can and should be given independence, and chances are nothing bad's going to happen to them if they walk to school or ride a public bus alone. But when you can be accused of child neglect for doing these things, it's a big problem.

Overparenting and other trends

By: Fitzpatrick | Tue, 11/24/2009 - 11:56

Here's the thing: the markers of overparenting are also signs of other trends. Sure, there are the egregious cases, but how many people actually engaged tutors to correct pencil holding deficiency? The big numbers are on things like the drop in walking or biking to school, increased homework time and the correlated drop in free play time, and increased safety standards on playgrounds, in school cafeterias, and in consumer products.

The last area is generally considered good, if sometimes goofy. Product labels are ripe for mocking, but parents of kids with food allergies are profoundly relieved that schools have "no-peanut" zones. The overreach here is the schools' prohibition on any homemade treats, but that's schools, not parents. Playgrounds got safer because kids actually got hurt, not because of overactive imaginations.

Homework has increased because we've turned to standardized tests and "rigorous" curricula as the gold standard in education. This has less to do with direct parenting, and more to do with society's demands for accountability at any cost. Ultimately, since schools are government institutions, this is a political issue.

The drop in walking or biking to school can be laid directly at the feet of real estate development policy. Large schools with long commutes, lack of sidewalks or bike paths, and other aspects of school site design contribute to a viscious circle of car-based infrastructure. Schools want long driveways to facilitate car pickup, which means they are farther from roads and sidewalks. No sidewalks? Guess I need to drive my kids.

Everyone loves to hate helicopter parents, but they are a blip compared to the societal and infrastructure trends that have caused most of the measureable changes in parenting.

relax, and buy things

By: lydiatusson | Mon, 11/23/2009 - 19:17

I really liked this article in Time, but also agree that there were times the parents interviewed were missing the point. But whatever works!

What I thought was funny was how in the online edition of Time each section was punctuated by ads either promoting a link to another article in Time or a sponsor. I couldn't help but laugh when a section encouraging parents to release some control and make mistakes was followed by "new parenting iPhone apps" "the best college Presidents". What were they thinking?! I wonder how many parents experienced seamless transition between reading and agreeing with the article to a page where they downloaded the "baby monitor" app.

I actually love yoga!

By: Hanna Rosin | Mon, 11/23/2009 - 17:11

I knew I would get it for that yoga comment. That's what I thought the first time I took a yoga class. Fifteen years later I am still taking yoga classes and I get it, I swear.

Asinine and irrelevant

By: Fitzpatrick | Mon, 11/23/2009 - 16:39

Yoga is about increasing strength, flexibility, and the mind-body connection. It's not about relaxing per se. But if you've got a knot in your shoulder, a yoga session can get it out in a way that a couch session can't.

But whatever. Ignorance is bliss, or at least fuel for snark. You probably run "only if chased," too. Because exercise is for squares, I guess.

Meanwhile, Time makes "The Case Against Overparenting." Talk about begging the question. Who exactly is in favor of "over" parenting?

Yoga

By: HappyLawyer | Mon, 11/23/2009 - 16:19

Finally, someone else who just doesn't get it.

Relaxing

By: ZoeCat | Mon, 11/23/2009 - 16:08

"I could not grasp why these people had to go through all these machinations and movement just to relax, when they could have just sat on the couch and, you know, relaxed, the regular way."
Simple answer:
They don't know how to relax "the regular way", so they have to have someone teach them how. Which, of course, is not relaxing at all.
Some people are just incapable of it.