Does Buying a $14 Pasta Dish Make You King of the Universe?

Waitress by Photodisc/Getty Images.

As someone who waited tables throughout college, I was pretty annoyed with Bruce Buschel’s two-part list of 100 Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do, which has been slowly creeping its way up the New York Times' top e-mailed items. The most obvious qualm: I’m fairly positive that no minimum wage job should ever require a list of 100 Don’ts. Of course a waiter should be courteous and timely, but more than half the tips Buschel proffers seem unnecessarily priggish, as if the act of taking someone’s order should be infused with the formality of aristocratic-era servitude. Take No. 43, for example: Never mention what your favorite dessert is. It’s irrelevant. Or No. 7: Do not announce your name. The insinuation being: Do not deign to think you matter, lowly servant. Apparently a $14 bowl of pasta buys you the right to act like a Rockefeller?

Moreover, there are maybe 20 worthwhile rules on the two-part 100 rule list. The others are either flat-out insulting (see above) or so absurdly obvious they’re insulting, like No. 33. Do not bang into chair or tables when passing by. God, how those silly waiters love crashing into things just for fun! Someone should warn them that’s not very nice.

How about a list of Don'ts for restaurant patrons? The first rule being something like: Paying for a meal does not automatically make you master of the universe.

Tags: Bruce Buschel, Dos and Don'ts, new york times, waiters

Lauren Bans is a Brooklyn-based writer and Internet addict.

Comments

Angry tantrum

By: sierraseven | Sun, 11/15/2009 - 00:32

Anonyc, this guy is a petulant little man who registers new accounts under different names in order to disrupt the discussions here on Double X. He's been doing this for a week or so. You can tell it's him by his, er, unique posting style. He's doing it mainly to tout his website. He doesn't really have anything to say, but unfortunately he's able to clog up the comments threads. It's too bad - in terms of internet discussions, he brings new meaning to "lowest common denominator".

wow

By: anonyc | Sat, 11/14/2009 - 22:02

You are one angry dude, dude. Judging from your tirade(s), I gather your ex-wife took you to the cleaners. Good on her!

Wait a second

By: Alex | Fri, 11/13/2009 - 22:37

Yes, the posts by the trolls are rude and highly offensive.

Do we need to resort to crude masterbatory cut-downs of these guys? I don't like them any more than you do. But comments about "rubbing one out" and "jerking off" only make you sound just as dumb as them.

The fact is, ladies, that EVERYONE masterbates. Why isn't female masterbation derogatory, like jerking off or rubbing one out or badgering the witness or evacuating the knuckle children or whatever?

And insults about a guy's relationship status? Please.

You're giving masterbating single guys bad names by insulting these losers in such a fasion. Y'all can do better than that. And what exactly is better than that? Ignoring them.

Mmm, that's right

By: weatherwax | Wed, 11/11/2009 - 00:43

School me with your copy-pasted arguments and your delicious website spamming. We're such bad, bad girls for using and abusing men with our girlish demands for pay and our desires to work outside the home and our silly airheaded "opinions" about culture and news. Teach us the proper ways of being women, you sexy SOB.
***
*Cigarette* Was that good for you?

@phpeter

By: weatherwax | Tue, 11/10/2009 - 19:43

Ahh, don't let the troll bother you. He just gets off on calling anonymous ladies cunt. I'm telling you, he thinks we are all dirty, dirty girls who need a good spanking. Tonight he'll be using our anger for his wet dreams.
***
To the mod who will be deleting my post soon, I apologize for baiting the troll. But this fucker is just too much fun...

Offensive comments

By: LenoraBabb | Tue, 11/10/2009 - 19:43

Sorry everyone. We are doing our best to delete offensive comments and block the posters, but each time they are blocked they just come back with another name. Please try to ignore it and we are working on the issue.

Pickle, Manhood etc

By: phpeter | Tue, 11/10/2009 - 19:35

I love internet bravery...you turds crack me up. Here we are, trying to have a legitimate conversation and you just cannot keep yourself from showing your stupidity. Here is a challenge for you, say what you wrote below, but walk up to a woman walking down the street with her husband, boyfriend or father say it to her face. I would love to participate in that conversation with you...good times my friend, good times!

I'm pretty sure that

By: weatherwax | Tue, 11/10/2009 - 19:28

deechan and manhood 101 and dillypickle are the same fellow. Either a really, really dedicated troll (with his own trolly website!) or a very angry shut-in. Mostly, though, his rants read like a kid who hasn't been rubbed down by a lady due to too much rejection. You can tell by his flagrant use of the word cunt, as if it will break any woman's sensibilities to hear it.
***
Wassa matter, guy(s)? Too many girls reject your offer to put your thingy in her thingy? Too many ladies sashaying by you without acknowledging your awesomeness? Is the powor widdle misogynist tired of rubbing one out in front of the 'puter before going to bed alone? Awwwww. It's okay -- I'm sure if you call enough ladies "cunt" at least one of them will strap that ball gag to your mouth and give you the pegging you want so, so bad if only those bitches could SEE the real you.

I served, once...

By: weatherwax | Tue, 11/10/2009 - 17:27

And, while I did find this list a little patronizing, like a lot of people commenting, that's a good thing, right? This means that most of us who served were pretty damn good at our jobs, I think.
***
As to tipping not being mandatory...*snorfle* Okay. The only people I have ever met who truly thought this were...well, frankly, they were terrible people. I mean, everyone has a limit of how poor the service has to be before stiffing feels like it's needed. But most people are decent enough to know that tipping is simply part of the deal in your average dining situation: you give me a good dining experience, and I pay you for your services. 15% for average service, 20% for good, perhaps more for above and beyond service. Consideration given, of course, to those too young to know better or old enough that tipping amount is not common knowledge.
***
And it's pointless to convince the asshats who believe otherwise about tipping (NOTE: Even John Stossel says tipping is mandatory. John Stossel!) These people are typically so wrapped up in their righteous belief that tipping is not required, (and again, kind of terrible people anyway--you always know the true colors of a person by the way they treat people they see as "inferior") that all it does is start an argument to suggest that perhaps that quarter is a bit of an insult to the server who just gave a five-star performance. The few times I've been in this situation, I simply cover the tip for both of us.
***
As to finding other work...eh, it's not that easy sometimes. I remember once in college trying to move away from serving and into retail, and having a difficult time of it. People were looking for experienced towel-folders, and I just wasn't one of them. It was simply easier to fall into another server job, because that's where my credentials were. Not to mention, sometimes movement is impossible because the jobs aren't there.
***
As to servers being losers who flunked high school...the only people who sincerely think this must have been lucky enough to have a benefactor pay for their higher education and living expenses through school. As a server, I met people of all stripes. Sure, some were kinda loser-y --your meth-heads, your high-school grads who didn't know what to do with their lives yet, your drop-outs, your young, single moms...but most were students working their way through school, like me, or folks just looking for some extra income, like the public defense lawyer and the English teacher I worked with.
***
And finally, the Internet does make me sad sometimes, with the way the most scary, hateful people come out of the woodwork. I think of the trolls who have been spamming the site lately with their anti-woman stances, and it gets me down. Then I shake it off, realize I will never meet these assholes (and if I do, I can calmly walk away and continue being a strong, independent woman, much to their ire), and smile at all the men out there who are confidant enough in their own masculinity that they don't need to punch down women to lead happy lives. I salute you, normal, happy men!

EDIT TO ADD: King of the Universe! Funniest fucking thing I've seen all day!!!

I *am* The King of the Universe

By: King of the Universe | Tue, 11/10/2009 - 17:18

Why shouldn't I demand top notch service from my minions?