Disneyfied Vaginas Questioned by Cranky British Researchers

The British Journal of Obstetrics & Gynaecology recently published one of those "no duh" studies, this time indicating that it might not be the greatest idea in the world to have a plastic surgeon hack away at your genitals so you can look in the bedroom like a flat picture in Playboy post-airbrushing. This topic brings to mind many opportunities for making merriment, but the funniest part of the whole thing by far for me is that this research is controversial at all. Reading between the lines of the BBC article, it's clear that the dispute is over whether or not it's legitimate to deem it a "sexual problem" worth medical intervention when you're partnered with a man who regularly vocalizes his belief that he's entitled to have an airbrushed vulva before him. Or, to spread the blame around, whether or not it's a medical issue if a woman has looked at a great deal of porn and has decided that she's broken because she doesn't fit the mold.

The plastic surgeons defending this source of income—and their own hang-ups about women's genitalia—use a heavy dose of B.S. According to this research, women are on record complaining that their labia are so excessively long that it interferes with pants-wearing and bicycle-riding. But in a moment I'm going to write off as classic British humor, the researchers suggested that male genitalia tends to stick out much further than female genitalia, with no noticeable rejection of pants-wearing from men due to pain. I'm reminded of those women who claim to forget to eat—what an awfully convenient malfunction. On your way to better pants-wearing and bike-riding, if you so happen to get, in the words of one of the interviewed plastic surgeons, a more "elegant-looking" labia, then it's just a happy accident.

Of course, like all surgery, slicing back your labia tends to create at least some scar tissue, though hopefully a good plastic surgeon minimizes that. And scar tissue decreases sensitivity. Which would tend to make those of us with an unpleasantly strong interest in women's subjective experience wonder how on earth this surgery fixes sexual problems. But of course, if you think of women's main sexual function not as feeling pleasure, but being a catalyst for male pleasure, then all becomes clear.

I sympathize, honestly. It's distracting to have imperfections while naked with a man, after spending most of your day outside the bedroom, where you're confronted with an endless stream of airbrushed female flesh. Being a human being with idiosyncratic features can feel weird after taking in the cultural obsession with cookie-cutter beauty, and if you're cursed with a partner willing to vocalize his disappointment with your human body, it can be even worse. But it's a shame that most of us absorb this nonsense.

The sad thing is, if you can clear your head of all this perfectionist, conformist pressure, appreciating people's little differences can be more fun and certainly more sexy than achieving temporary adherence to strict beauty standards. In fact, I often look at the sea of airbrushing and plastic surgery and Brazilian waxing, and I see a profound prudery at the bottom of it, a fear of truly embracing sexuality. The airbrushed plastic perfection promoted by Playboy and Maxim magazine are to sex as EPCOT Center is to world travel: experience simulation for those too cowardly to truly dive in, but too egotistical to admit their cowardice.

Tags: airbrushing, plastic surgery

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Amanda Marcotte Amanda recently moved from her home state of Texas to Brooklyn, NY. She blogs at pandagon.net and rhrealitycheck.org.

Comments

Bike riding

By: carriea | Wed, 12/02/2009 - 15:35

As a competitive female cyclist (who's disturbed by the idea of aesthetic labiaplasty), I feel compelled to point out that bike riding -- especially on racing bikes -- is often VERY uncomfortable until a woman finds a saddle and a bike fit that are compatible with her anatomy.

Bike position dictates that most of us will actually be sitting on our labia for long periods of time, while exerting forces that help to drive our 'bits' against the nose of the saddle. No amount of padding helps alleviate this pressure. Instead, it's a matter of finding the right size and shape saddle, and then making minute adjustments to the entire fit of the bike until the sweet spot is found.

For women who have very long labia, I suspect that there is no sweet spot, thereby keeping them from enjoying riding bikes. (As much as I love to ride, though, I can't imagine removing my bits for the sake of the sport!)

Different than breast implants?

By: patron002 | Wed, 11/11/2009 - 23:31

First, I freely admit that I am a man, and I enjoy joy looking at my female partner naked. However, I find the idea that women feel they need plastic bodies to be odd. Believe me, as a male I can tell you, we may enjoy a naked body that looks like art, in reality our penis will work just as well when a woman's body is "just" good enough to get the job done. I find my partner to be beautiful the way she is. If she chose to get things done to change the way she looked, I would not fight it, however I must admit, I would find it to be a bit of a waste of time. I very much enjoy art like naked bodies, but I must admit, when I'm having sex with a woman I respect, I spend a lot more time looking in her eyes, and a lot less time looking at her vagina for visual flaws I didn't in fact realize that there were standards for beauty in this area. I guess maybe they could have "vaginal beauty contests" or to kitty kat pagents.... but. I mean I enjoy performing oral sex as much as anyone, but I figured the focus during that time would be on satifying the woman and not on figuring out if her vagina is sexy enough. The scarring issue is far more frightening... because.. well not for me, but I have friends who sometimes worry about performance... me? Never, and perhaps the last thing we need to worry about is, if I wont be able to please her, because she wanted to look sexier... so presumably I could please her more often. At any rate I must confess, I find breast implants to be a waste of money. Vagina surgery? Well I am not sure theres a word for that.

google images

By: LenoraBabb | Wed, 11/11/2009 - 22:52

I just did a google search of before and after labiaplasty...and although at face value I was against the notion, I can definitely see why at least SOME women might want the procedure, and I say, more power to them.  It's definitely not neccessary but it's very conceivable that a woman might want to remedy certain situations, even in the absence of the airbrushed porn-centric disneyfied version of beauty being fed to us.

I like the final analysis

By: buggie | Wed, 11/11/2009 - 20:16

I like the final analysis about body perfectionism as a form of prudery.

It seems to me that if you are a woman in this position that your partner doesn't like the shape of your labia (frankly I'm shocked to think that anyone would ever notice this!) then a much more comfortable and inexpensive solution would be to dump your partner.

thoughts from someone who is considering labia surgery

By: Brooke | Wed, 11/11/2009 - 16:45

my labia minora are asymmetrical and hang down below my labia majora. they can get bunched and painful when wearing tight clothing, usually jeans, and during some athletic activities, such as horseback riding. personally, i find my labia aesthetically displeasing, however my sexual partners (all male) have either complimented my vulva or not mentioned it at all. i am not worried about decreased sensitivity from labial scar tissue because my labia aren't sexually sensitive at all.

the main reason i am considering the surgery is simply to improve the aesthetics. basically, i would enjoy sex more if i wasn't concerned about how unattractive i think my labia are. since none of my partners have ever complained, the surgery is strictly for my own pleasure. i am not trying to fit into any stereotypical mold of female beauty; i just want my vulva to resemble the ones that turn me on when i look at them. why should only my sexual partners be turned on by my body, and not myself?

i realize that this comment will be an easy target for people to tell me i should see a shrink instead, stop wearing tight jeans and horseback riding, and that if i don't fully love/accept/worship my vulva as it is, then i must be crazy/repressed/not worthy to be called a woman.

EPCOT doesn't deserve this

By: wackyjer | Wed, 11/11/2009 - 14:53

Sometimes all you've got money for is a Southwest roundtrip to Orlando and a sweet old aunt with a guest room. You don't have to attribute to cowardice what can be easily explained by poverty. DisneyWorld kicks ass, and I'm afraid of neither overseas travel nor real, crunchy, rustic vaginas.

Baudrillard?

By: PinkGrapefruit | Wed, 11/11/2009 - 14:29

I sense a small tentacle of thought toward the writings of Jean Baudrillard there at the end. Of course, I don't think any of us question that the term "hyperreal" applies to Playboy and Maxim.

I forget to eat

By: once | Wed, 11/11/2009 - 13:06

I forget to eat sometimes, and it's *not* convenient.

It pretty much only happens when I get wrapped up in mentally intense tasks (ask Mr Google what "juggling priceless eggs" means to a hacker). If the task runs through the entire day (so I miss lunch) or afternoon and evening (so I miss supper), then whenever I finally get out of hack mode, I feel like I'm going to pass out. My first priority is water, and my second is more water, and my third is food.

Note that I'm not thin by any standard -- I'm just five pounds away from officially being "obese" instead of "overweight", in fact -- and this experience is essentially worthless for losing weight. It really just changes when you eat, not how much.

Blame the sexual revolution

By: norahc | Wed, 11/11/2009 - 12:50

If you're going to have a culture as sex saturated, youth and porn obsessed as our own culture is then you're naturally going to have people (especially women) placing a higher premium on their looks, even to the point where they are willing to disfigure themselves. Really, it's not rocket science to figure this out. In the 40s, 50's, etc it may have been okay for a woman to just use a little makeup to look nice, but the stakes have been raised for women. They have to do more and more in order to look good. Mom and Grandma may have got by with just using some lipstick and foundation, but there's a bigger emphasis on women looking good and sexy in this culture than there ever was in the past. Boob jobs, botox, aneroxia, and now genital plastic surgery, is what women have to do nowadays in order to keep up. It's sad, but can you really blame women when they are living in a culture that's constantly telling them their only worth is in how sexy they are? I hear elementary school girls on the playground talking about how they want to get boob jobs when they grow up. Yeah, we're doing a great job of teaching girls respect for themselves, aren't we?