The Decline of Western Civilization: "We're Pregnant" Edition

Judith Leavitt has written a history of fatherhood, specifically about the evolution of male participation in the process of giving birth. In a review of the book in the Wall Street Journal, Jonathan Last reports the less-than-shocking news: The 20th century saw men becoming more and more involved with the process of pregnancy, and less and less commonly banished from the premises during the birth itself. This has culminated, Last explains, in “all manner of idiocy,” from fathers who videotape the birth to fathers cutting the umbilical cord. Commence axe grinding:

Ms. Leavitt quotes one doctor's argument from the mid-1960s: "As the charm of woman is in her mystery, it is inconceivable that a wife will maintain her sexual prestige after her husband witnessed the expulsion of a baby—a negligee will never hide this apparition." Another doctor concluded: "On the whole, it is not a show to watch." We all laugh at how benighted such views are. (Even if there is, just possibly, some truth in them.) Yet today it is socially acceptable to father a child without marrying the mother or to divorce her later on if mother and father actually do bother to get hitched. And at the same time there is zero tolerance for a husband who says: "No thanks, I'll be in the waiting room with cigars." Ms. Leavitt's fascinating history suggests that childbirth is just one more area where our narcissism has swamped our seriousness.

And thus, as it so often does, sad-sack nostalgia for a lost era of male privilege passes for high moral seriousness. Note that the book under consideration would appear to have nothing to do with the subject of out-of-wedlock births. Last would just like to point out that it’s “unserious” to demand that men assume involvement beyond smoking in the next room, because, hey at least they’re in the vicinity. Not like those other fathers! How much do you pregnant broads expect? This is the rhetorical equivalent of your kid saying he shouldn't be forced to go to school every weekday; after all, some kids in Afghanistan never go to school. Presumably, a serious defense of Last's position would sketch some actual arguments in favor of male exile from the maternity ward. But it's surely easier to change the subject and yearn for a Mad Men-esque division of labor.

Photograph of pregnant woman from Stockbyte/Getty Images.

Tags: childbirth, fatherhood, labor

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Kerry Howley is a contributing editor at Reason Magazine and an Arts Fellow at the University of Iowa's literary nonfiction program.

Comments

Jersey

By: phpeter | Fri, 06/05/2009 - 12:12

So, men are supposed to be ignorant to the pregnancy? Avoid interaction and involvement only to spring to action on delivery day and somehow feel vested? Is that right? I am just trying to understand the rules since apparently my ice cream runs, foot massages, additional chores and nightly cooking is just my lame attempt and participating in this partnership called "marraige". No to mention the recent nursery painting and putting furniture together...I can see how mayber I should just stay out of the way and really not take ownership of "Her" pregnancy. I think that will go a long way. Also, having known quite a few women who have had husbands overseas in the military during thier pregnancy, I think they would disagree with just about everything you have to say on this issue.

"We're pregnant"

By: backshop | Thu, 06/04/2009 - 16:12

So, if a man assents to the term, "we're pregnant," even though it is clear only one person is actually pregnant and there is no way he can be pregnant, down the road when she asks, "what are we doing this weekend," can he use, "we're going golfing,"?

I agree with Ms. Howley

By: Sihaya | Thu, 06/04/2009 - 15:17

Fine, jerseygrl, you didn't care if your husband held your hand in the delivery room. But some of us would like it if they did. I had my first kid prematurely and then got whisked off to the ICU, where I was told I would be overstressed by the arrival of visitors. The isolation was, frankly, agonizing, and I sure wished I could have held my husband's hands longer than the five minutes it took to deliver a 2 lb. baby. I wished I wasn't getting the (infrequent) updates on my child's condition from a stern-faced nurse instead of my husband or other family. I'm trying to figure out how asking for help and support - from anyone, but especially from our loved ones - is narcissistic. And I'm trying to figure out how a father's actions later in life are supposed to be a reply to the question.

Personally, I'm tired of the macho-ness of childbirth. Whatever the female equivelant is, we're all supposed to be participating in it. Back when, we manifested it by saying that childbirth was too icky for the menfolk (and male doctors encouraged it because childbirth was so danged deadly). But now we express our femacho-ness by bragging about the way we made our pregnancies superhealthy, gave birth or reared our infants. I just don't do it. If I want advice from a friend or doctor, I'll ask it, but I tune out as soon as things seem to be getting competitive. And this Last seems to be trying to find a new angle on the competition in order to increase his web hits/readership. Ho-hum.

OK, but...

By: jerseygirl | Thu, 06/04/2009 - 13:28

Haven't read the book; haven't seen the article so I'm writing purely in response to Ms. Howley's reponse here. But the assumption that fathers more involved in pregnancy and childbirth=more involved dads needs to be tested. Yeah, the guys come to the lamaze classes, join us for doctor's appointments...and some do adopt that awful "we're pregnant" attitude (oh really? do we have heartburn, too?). But does this mean they are actually better and more involved fathers once the kid has been launched? Personally, I never much cared whether my husband gazed at sonogram images or held my hand during labor -- there's just not a whole lot he could share of either the joys or the discomforts of pregnancy and labor, so why pretend we were equal partners? To me fatherhood describes what a man does after the delivery.