XX Factor: the blog

The Complicated Calculus of Children and Careers

Of course abortion and birth control have a large role in bringing down our fertility rate in America, as they have elsewhere. (I have spent much of the past decade-and-a-half writing about both.) But there is no need to be reductive; this is not an either/or issue. There are many factors contributing to the decline in fertility, including both the ability to control when and whether to become mothers and the policies that affect mothers’ quality of life.

I don’t think the issue is just affording a child. It’s also, as I already reported, about not feeling professionally ready, i.e., not wanting to sacrifice hard-earned successes at work. Of course, many people just don’t want children (and, by the way, I have zero interest in coaxing anyone to do it). But for some women—again, we don’t know how many—the decision to have a child is more complicated than simply wanting to or not. Given the lack of part-time and flexible work options, as well as paid maternity leave and sick leave, and affordable childcare, women know that having a child can and often does derail women’s careers. For many, that knowledge is part of the calculus.

Since we’re offering personal stories, here’s mine: I waited quite a while to have children. For a long time, I didn’t feel ready. By the time I did, I encountered age-related fertility issues. I managed to have children anyway, but if I hadn’t, I think I would have felt sad about it.

As for whether the decline in women’s happiness is statistically valid, you can argue it either way—it’s small, but it’s there. What you cant quibble away is the fact that, without the support for working women that largely exists in other countries, life can be particularly difficult for working mothers in the United States. And that’s sad.

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Tags: abortion, birth control, happiness study, parenting

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Sharon Lerner is the author of the The War on Moms: On Life in a Family-Unfriendly Nation, due out in the spring.

Comments

What about men

By: dhm | Wed, 10/07/2009 - 13:03

Yes, what about men? I'm 30, professionally stable, want kids, and feel ready to have them soon. Most of my 30-ish male friends haven't even begun to entertain the idea of when they might be ready to have kids. They're content to wait until age 40 and beyond because THEY are still having fun and building careers. Maybe young professional women are waiting to find someone who is actually there with them on the issue of raising a family.

what about men as a factor?

By: buggie | Tue, 10/06/2009 - 20:38

what about men as a factor? most people don't chose to have kids on their own (artificial insemination, etc). I don't doubt the large role of careers in the equation, especially for women who are in relationships. But what about the fact that more and more women are remaining single for longer and longer? People have accused me of "waiting" to have children. For the record, I don't know if I want children or not, however, I am certainly not "waiting." The opportunity has not come up- or I should say a *good* opportunity has not come up. I think less and less women are willing settle for any man who is willing to donate some DNA just to have a kid. You add to that the fact that as women work more and more, they have less and less time to actually MEET men, and currents trends would suggest that when one does, he will be less educated than the woman. People should enter into relationships with the opposite sex because there is real bond between two people. when you find someone you really like, you should then decide if the two of you should make a kid together. you should not have a goal of having a kid and then find a man as a stepping stone to that. That is exactly how so many women in past generations got trapped in horrible marriages. So those millions of us women who are single are not "waiting" to have to children. Rather we are just carrying on with our own lives, in a period of time when it's harder and harder to meet a suitable partner. We'll cross the kid bridge IF and when we come to it.

It's about attitudes as much as about supports for mothers

By: ockeghem | Tue, 10/06/2009 - 16:34

"What you cant quibble away is the fact that, without the support for working women that largely exists in other countries, life can be particularly difficult for working mothers in the United States."

I don't live in the United States; I live in one of those supposed paradises for working mothers). Here in Canada, we have a full year of paid leave. And the leave can be split between parents! Paradise, right?

No. Put aside the day care, the maternity benefits. Even in countries where those supports are provided, it's still a male-dominated workplace in many industries, and all the prejudices against working mothers still prevail. In fact, they may be worse, because male execs know they'll lose a female professional for a year or more should she have a baby. I'm in a professional position at a Canadian company, and I'm now nine months pregnant. It's been made clear to me that my career, at least at my current company, is pretty well over. Since announcing I was pregnant at nearly 7 months in, it has been made abundantly clear to me by my male coworkers and the (all-male) executive team that I am now and forevermore defined by my reproductive system. A couple of these men (including the CEO) now can't mention my name without somehow modifying it to allude to my pregnancy. As a woman and a mother, you see, I might not be as devoted to the company. I might (gasp!) have another child, taking me away from the company again. Even though the company is obligated to hold my position -- or give me a similar one on my return -- in practice I've seen professional women at my company come back from maternity leave to find that they've been given a "similar" job that is completely sidelined, with no responsibility or influence, in hopes that they'll leave on their own.

So I'll be spending the last few months of my maternity leave looking for a new job, where I can start over at a company where no one has to know I have a child -- and hoping I don't have to take a step too far backwards, career-wise, to get a new job.

It's no better for men. Both parents in Canada are entitled to split the parental leave component (35 weeks). But men rarely do. The parental leave policy has been in place for years, yet my husband is the first father in his department ever to avail himself of this policy. It's frowned upon there as well, although fortunately he's progressed just about as far as he can in his career and his position is completely secure, save for gross misconduct, so we don't have to worry as much.

Governments can legislate good parental policies. And don't get me wrong -- those policies are very helpful to women. But that doesn't change attitudes in society as a whole -- or at least, change is slow. And those attitudes are what make life difficult for women _around the world_. It's not just a U.S. thing or a benefits thing. It's a problem with attitudes towards mothers in general, and those attitudes held true no matter whether I was working in Canada, Germany or the United States.

Agreed about more support for women

By: Amanda Marcotte | Tue, 10/06/2009 - 14:12

I definitely think women deserve more support, and I really understand why arguments for it need to be hooked on external outcomes that we can get men with power interested in: Adjustments to the fertility rate, hope for more deliriously happy wives, etc.  It's sad that we can't just point out that women deserve these things as human rights.  But unfortunately, every avenue we run down to find external factors doesn't amount to much.

I will say, however, that I wouldn't be surprised to find out career and financial constraints incline a lot of women to forgo the second child.  I've seen research that indicates that one isn't a burden, but two is the tipping point where women start to reduce their work hours or consider quitting.