'50s Dating Horrors

Hanna, I am the product of the “simpler” '50s dating culture. My parents were young, hot for each other, met their families' requirements of looks (her) and potential earning capacity (him), and married at ages 19 and 20. Their union produced four children, lasted 20 years, and was a nightmare for all concerned. So I do not share David Brooks’ nostalgia for a time when dating had ‘guardrails.' I dated for decades in the pre-cell phone era, and it wasn’t technology that gave me an ironic, contingent feeling about my adventures. One of my male friends once said to me, “Sometimes I think you deliberately go on bad dates just so you have a story to tell.” Also, one doesn't have to do more than read Jane Austen to understand that it’s not the advent of SMS technology that make males and females circling each other strike poses, make harsh, comic judgments, and wish for someone more appealing.

Yet I am interested in another effect of modern technology that Brooks doesn't get into: the phenomenon of simultaneously dating and reporting on the experience. So, you young, single XXers—is it true you run to the ladies room to text and tweet your way through the evening? I understand the desire, but isn’t it better to let the evening simply unfurl without having to judge it minute by minute for your forum?

Tags: courtship, dating, David Brooks, texting

Emily Yoffe is Slate's Dear Prudence and Human Guinea Pig (emilyyoffe@hotmail.com)

Comments

I totally tweet on dates

By: LenoraBabb | Tue, 11/03/2009 - 17:28

I don't run to the bathroom TO tweet, I simply take advantage of my bathroom visits (or time spend waiting in line) to send a few choice reflections on my experience--perhaps a remark on the venue, the deliciousness of my beverage, my love or hate for the crowd or the neighborhood. Nothing too personal though (unless the date really isn't working out). After all, if it does work out, chances are he'll be seeing your twitter feed soon enough; best not to say anything silly.

It's also good, during a date, to be texting others from time to time (Brooks's 'back-burner' idea), so that when the date ends you have the option of flitting off to another function, thus showing how popular and fun you are, and avoiding the post-date ice cream binge / waiting-for-his-followup-text vigil.

As if you could date without an audience

By: speeddatinggirl | Tue, 11/03/2009 - 15:03

I don't tweet my dates (because I never tweet anything), but I do admit that sometimes I'm already writing a blog post in my head while the date is still going on. And I so routinely offer my friends updates immediately after going out that I occasionally get texts saying, "Must be a good date since I haven't heard from you yet." The major downside to sharing your thoughts before they're fully formed is that your listeners will remember your snap judgments after you've changed your mind. E.g. how do I introduce my friends to my new boyfriend who I called a "pompous jerk" after the first date?
http://speeddatinggirl.wordpress.com

Bizarre comment there...

By: jennies1897 | Tue, 11/03/2009 - 14:09

Sorry for your experience...I've had a couple of encounters that might sit on the border of rape. Unlike a lot of women, I've tended to blame my own immaturity for it. I actually think it's made me a better person who's choosier about who she dates. Not to mention it's helped me in drawing boundaries, learning where I want the lines versus where I think they should be.

To answer the question: Good LORD no, I would NEVER tweet a date (nevermind the fact I don't think anyone cares enough to hear what I tweet anyway, so I *don't* use twitter). I actually spend LOTS of time reflecting on any kinds of interactions I have with guys - date or no date. Most of them, I have an idea about whether or not there's relationship material there. I have the confidence sometimes to go after a guy myself, but I'd have to be honest in saying that isn't all the time.

Dating is overrated and has a lot of pressure involved if you ask me. Probably because I've tended to date the sensitive types who get upset if you don't want to go on anymore dates. And then want a complete analysis of why (probably why the relationships never last either). I don't look to anyone else to determine if someone is right for me. I put all that pressure on myself.