Sex Among the Spineless
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Samantha Henig just reported on the Museum of Sex exhibit on the Sex Lives of Animals. I like gay giraffes and well-endowed lady hyenas as much as the next person (OK, probably more), but the list struck me as shockingly mammal-biased. Vertebrates—and that includes non-fuzzy critters like fish—comprise a mere 5 percent of the world's species. The spineless have kinky sex, too! Here's a list of a few of my personal favorites:
- As I wrote on the original Oyster's Garter blog, barnacles have the most impressive penises in the sea. A barnacle’s penis can be 8 times longer than the barnacle’s entire body. Barnacles are well-endowed because they’re cemented in place—in order to advance the species, they need to, um, “visit” their neighbors. (That’s also why barnacles are simultaneous hermaphrodites that both give and receive the glorious gift of crustacean life. Separate sexes wouldn’t work, since the only neighbor in reach could be the same sex.)
- Marine flatworms, also simultaneous hermaphrodites, fence with razor-sharp penises. Since they lack a female orifice, sex occurs when the loser gets stabbed right through their body wall. The technical term? Hypodermic impregnation. Some spiders do it too. Ow.
- From horrifying spiked beetle penises to earwig penises that occasionally snap right off in the midst of sex, insects have all kinds of bizarre sexual practices. But you don't have to take my word for it—check out Season 1 of Isabella Rossellini's Green Porno series, where she dramatizes doin' it as all kinds of bug.
Miriam Goldstein is a doctoral student at the Scripps Institution of Oceanography in La Jolla, Calif.
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Of sperm tentacles and avian homosexual necrophilia
By: Miriam Goldstein | Sat, 07/25/2009 - 11:28
djheydt - A very shocking omission, but since I made my Double X debut with squid orgies, I figured I'd expand from cephalo-sex. In some species of cephalopod the special sperm delivery tentacle, called the hectocotylus, just delivers the spermatophores (sperm packets), but the 19th century French naturalist must have observed one of the species in which the hectocotylus actually does break off & stay with the lady. Please accept this video of red-hot octopus sex with my apologies. :)
Sam - Oh, yes, that paper, titled "The first case of homosexual necrophilia in the mallard Anas platyrhynchos" won an Ig Nobel prize a couple years ago.
The mallard
By: Samantha Henig | Sat, 07/25/2009 - 07:22
Hey Miriam -- Just remembered one really great non-mammal part of the exhibit: a first-person description by a guy who watched a male mallard have sex with a dead male mallard for 75 minutes. 75 minutes! At which point he was like "yeah, that's enough dead mallard sex for me," and just tottered off.
You didn't mention....
By: djheydt | Fri, 07/24/2009 - 18:44
... the octopus. A gallant French biologist around the turn of the last century described octopus courtship in approximately these words: "The gentleman octopus approaches the lady octopus and offers her his hand; and she accepts it, and takes it, and walks away with it." (It's a spermatophore, an extension of one of his tentacles which he fills with sperm and offers to the female. What she does with it afterwards is her business.)